Category Archives: Stress and Tension

Covid-19 Has Entered Our Home Part 2

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Update on my son Brandon

Tuesday: It’s been one week since his symptoms began and Brandon has not had a good day. He’s frequently nauseous and his lack of appetite leaves everything I prepare for him only slightly touched. His is, however, staying hydrated, as I insist. He has lung discomfort, tightness, throat pain and coughing. He feels weak, unsteady, and very tired. His sensitivity to cold has been challenging since the other three kids are hot if the A/C setting is raised upstairs, especially at night. I’ve encouraged him to close his room’s air vent and to open his window to let in fresh, warm summer air. He and my friend Mark have been texting back and forth, and I’m so grateful for that connection. Although they both feel cruddy, they have vented to each other here and there, and compare symptoms with each other. As for sources of comfort: He has reported to me that he feels a direct correlation between drinking “fizzy-tab water” and feeling better. He’s referring to the molecular hydrogen dissolving tablets that I’ve been giving him once a day. It does really seem to help! I have coached the benefits of this product to my clients, and I believe in its benefits from my personal experience, so I’m so glad that this product is helping my son through his recovery.

Wednesday: When I asked him how he was feeling today, he answered that he’d slept pretty well, but was still tired. He still has been experiencing body aches and weird chills, despite his temperature not exceeding 98-99 degrees. He continued to sleep much of the day. He has expressed that his anxiety level, however, has dropped and that he feels much more relaxed. Thank goodness!

Gratitude

And speaking of thanking, I want to focus now on being grateful for the blessings that always bubble up during the struggles in our lives, as they have now … for the continuing miracles and silver linings revealed in the midst of our stormy weather.

The response to my previous blog article has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive. Thank you, everyone, from the depths of my heart. It’s always apparent through the many crises we experience in our lives, that we just have to look for the helpers, those angels who God sends us when we need them. I’ve also received warm responses of love, prayers and support from all of our friends and family with phone calls and text messages. Friends two doors down dropped off a large bowl of Filipino Pancit a few days ago because they know we (and especially Brandon) love it! One of my closest friends will be bringing us a full dinner tonight of baked spaghetti, salad, garlic bread and, oh, chocolate cake. I’ve instructed all meal-deliverers to drop and run since up to this point, we had not received our test results yet. Thank you everyone!

I sat on our back patio and reached back out via fb messenger to the bassist, Mark, who has been texting Brandon. I told him that I simply couldn’t adequately express my gratitude for his time and his efforts. I told him that I was sorry that he’s been going through this, too, and that we all have him and his family in our prayers. I told him that he has been a true example of a storm cloud’s silver lining. I’d hoped that my expression of appreciation would help to lift and comfort him, as well. I later read his fb post where he wrote that he’d been texting the 20-yr-old son of a local fellow musician, and that he was happy that he could help encourage someone else going through this.

Slow test results, but finally …

Brandon had received his COVID-19 test results in 2 days. It has been 5 days since the rest of us had our tests administered. It’s clear that the increased demands for tests have slowed the processing and result-reporting time. I took a chance and called the center where we had tested, and the tech that answered actually looked up our results in his system. After I provided him with correct privacy information, he relayed to me that Sean, Benjamin and myself all tested NEGATIVE. Phew. At least we knew now that we were not exposed from the same source that infected Brandon, and that we were not able to expose others back before Brandon had tested positive, nor when his symptoms were early. This status, of course, could change. We’ll only know in time if we haven’t contracted it FROM Brandon. I pray that our negative status remains that way.

Erin is over 18 and I was not able to receive her results. She called the center herself and was told her results were not back yet. Bruce was tested elsewhere and is also awaiting his results.

Thursday (today): Aside from the times that I sit in our upstairs loft along the wall about 8 feet away from Brandon’s bedroom door and chat with him as he sits at the end of his bed or walks near his ajar doorway, we communicate via phone (voice and text). I texted him a couple of times this morning to ask if he had any appetite and would like to eat, but he didn’t respond. After a bit, I went upstairs and knocked, backed up, and waited. He opened his door to say that he just hadn’t slept well last night, but had slept well this morning. And yes, he would like to try to eat.

He’s been quiet today. I’m leaving him to rest. Although I’m aware that this illness can last 3-6 weeks, as I learned from our pediatrician’s nurse that I brain-picked yesterday for 45 minutes, I believe in my heart that Brandon will be ok. He will muscle his way through this. He’s young and strong. I also know that having a good day on Monday may mean a rough day on Tuesday. Both Brandon and Mark have reported this fact to me.

Mother Bear

The mother bear was born in me the moment I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. She’s been there, ready to reveal her claws should anything threaten the well being of any of my children. I understand the instinctively fierce need for mothers to protect their children.

I felt the bear begin to waken inside me when this virus first made headlines, when it entered our country, our state, our county, our part of town. My anxious need to do everything in my power to protect my family became a primal focus of mine. And when my son became ill, the bear became fully awake and emerged … clearly, strongly and without question. Not only was my child sick, but the remaining children living in our home were now threatened. For the very first time since our older girls moved out, I was glad that they didn’t live here. However, would my other children get sick with this potentially life-threatening illness, too? My claws would like nothing more than to shred to pieces the forces responsible for the creation and unleashing of this scourge.

Ok, I won’t go on and on here … most people reading this understand what I’m talking about.

Before receiving our COVID-19 tests results yesterday, we’d been waiting and waiting to find out the status of the remaining five of us. I realize that the testing sites’ staff members have been inundated and overworked with this recent spike in local cases, but, since we notified people in our lives that Brandon was a positive case, we’ve been receiving concerned inquiries about our health. Of course, my mother has been wondering if our test results were back. Of course, Bruce’s coworkers have been inquiring as to our status, and many of them have gotten tested themselves.

But no one has been more pressing, more regularly and relentlessly inquiring than the “neighbor”. Remember her … the one I mentioned in my previous post? Although I assured her that as soon as I received our results, I would notify her, this assurance was not sufficient for her. She has felt the need to text me almost daily to find out if I’ve heard. No one could be more frustrated than me with the slow response in test results notification, but this person was beginning to drive me insane. By this past Tuesday (2 days ago), already stressed beyond belief, I replied: “Hello, as I have already promised, I will let you know when I find out. The labs must be running behind due to the increase in tests. Please know that I sincerely hope that you and your family aren’t impacted by this virus, but if you are at some point, I also sincerely hope that no one causes you to feel as repulsive, feared, and pressured as we have been made to feel.”

Always preferring to take the high road, however, I then texted, “May I call you?” A few minutes later, we were speaking (with voices) on the phone. I introduced myself to her, and we began to carry on a decent, amiable conversation. I explained that I understood her concern that her children may have been exposed to this virus unknowingly by my two young sons back before we knew Brandon was ill. She assured me that she was also concerned for our family. In my mind, I thought, how can you be? You don’t even know us. We hung up after I told her that, again, I would let her know as soon as we were notified of the results.

On Wednesday late afternoon, less than a minute after I’d hung up with the testing center with our results, I received another text from “neighbor”. My screen read: “Any results yet? My parents want to stop by and visit, but we don’t want them near our children until we know if Sean or Ben exposed them, so please get back to me as soon as possible!”

AAAAGGGHHHH!!! I replied: “15 second ago, I learned that the boys and I tested negative.” Her response: “Wonderful! Now you can concentrate on your son’s recovery. Let me know if you need anything!”

I wanted to reply: “Thank you, because if I ever need further harassment, I certainly know who to call!”. But I didn’t. I decided instead just to leave her on read.

My advice to everyone reading this: We are ALL concerned about our families. All moms have internal mother bears. However, please learn the following from my experience: It is never okay to hound and harass another stressed-out worried mom under the guise of concern for her family when clearly the motive is purely self-centered.Trust that she will get back to you as she agreed, show some tact, sensitivity, genuine care … and leave her and her family alone.

Enough about that.

Well, we still don’t have Erin’s or Bruce’s test results. And again, these were tests taken last week. Things can change. This crisis is far from over, and will probably impact every family at some point, to some extent, before it’s a terrible thing of the past. My heart breaks for all who are suffering from this or from its effects.

My daughter and her fiancé were engaged over a year, announced their wedding date this past Christmas, and have been planning their wedding out of town. The wedding is to be in September. They have been trying to continue on as planned, but now are not sure whether to postpone or not. For now, she is simply overwhelmed and a bit heartbroken that her wedding plans have been so overshadowed by this insidious virus.

However, as I’ve encouraged my daughter, we must stay positive, pray for guidance, and keep moving forward. Bruce continues to work hard from home every day; the boys are keeping occupied with legos, board/card games and online gaming with friends; Erin continues to hole up in her room staying busy with summer online college classwork until her test results come in; I continue to keep the house clean, prepare meals, write song lyrics and blog posts and play my keyboard; all while Brandon continues to heal and recover.

We pray without ceasing.

Until my next post, I’d like to leave my readers with this:

Angels are everywhere. God is everywhere. There is good everywhere, and good will win in the end. God is love and love never fails. One day we will look back and be grateful that we kept our heads high, our faith firm, and our attitudes positive. Love one another and accept the love and help of the angels in our lives when we need them, and then be the angels for others when they need us. Enjoy comfort food including chocolate cake. It’s as simple as that.

Oh, and please don’t harass anyone, ever, especially a stressed-out mother bear.

Update (6/28): Erin’s and Bruce’s test results arrived late yesterday. It took 8 days to receive these results.

And, not surprisingly, the consistent text messages of concern for our family abruptly ceased once I notified the neighbor that our youngest boys’ tests were negative.

Photo credits: 1– Cross hands over heart (messymarvelous.com), 2– Mother Bear (paulnicklen.com)

A fun talk with Elizabeth Guarino of The Best Ever You Show

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Thank you Elizabeth Guarino for inviting me to chat with you on your amazing show!

CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO THE FUN WE HAD!

Do your kids behave better for others than they do with you?

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Children behaving badly

While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered.  “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”

I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
       

As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
       

Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
       

Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.

The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”

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Chores! Everybody pitches in.

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In a family as large as ours, it’s vital that each member pulls his or her own weight from an early age if we’re all to maintain sanity in our household. As early as toddlerhood, each child was taught how to put his toys in the toy boxes before bed time and to bring her dirty laundry to our laundry room baskets. Preschool children learned how to fold dish towels and bath towels (because there are ALWAYS clean baskets of those waiting to be folded), as well as removing and remaking bed sheets each week. I used to do it all myself, but in time I learned that in allowing them to do it themselves, despite the crooked sheets, they improved with practice!

If you contribute to the mess-making, you’re gonna contribute to the clean-up

As each child grows, more responsibilities are given. After arriving home from school, there is no snack or play time until all backpacks are emptied, homework is placed on our dining room table to be done, and lunchboxes are put where they belong.
       Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

The above article was submitted to the Epoch Times on 2/20/19 for story contributions of “Do you encouraging your children to participate in household duties?”

Our Best Attempt at Organization

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“Fran, how in the world do you stay organized in your house with young adults, teenagers and eleven-year-olds all constantly going in different directions?” I was asked this question recently. To answer her question, I had to stop and think because it really wasn’t an event that happened overnight, but rather a progression of trials and errors that eventually became law in our home because of a need to maintain sanity and some level of order.

When the kids were all much younger, we had very busy schedules to keep on top of, but back then, I had more knowledge and dare-I-say “control” over what everyone did, where they went, and when. I just had to keep myself organized, I suppose.

Today, we have two 24-year-olds who still, although for not much longer, live at home. We also have two 19-year-olds who are also home and currently attending local universities to save lots of money by commuting to school as opposed to having housing and meal plans as part of their college semester costs. Our older girls went to out-of-town universities for a year or so each, and it had cost seriously $$$! They both transferred from different schools to different local schools eventually so they could save money while completing their degrees. And with our youngest boys being eleven years old, they’re a bit easier still.

Actual photo of my family coming and going. (Just kidding: photo credit https://www.geofflawrence.com/motion_blur.html

So, while we have a blur of people coming and going constantly, we have lots of chores to be kept up with, and we do not have a hired cleaning service.

Each member of our large family has to pull his or her weight, which means each must pitch in with cleaning, laundry, kitchen duty, etc.

And with six drivers and four vehicles, we have to sacrifice, compromise and get creative while sharing cars.

Knowing each other’s schedules is a MUST

For practical and safety reasons, it’s imperative that I know where everyone is and what each has planned during the upcoming week. We started with a tear-off calendar, but then moved on to a reusable, erasable white board.

Because each night needs an evening meal, I insist that each of the older kids communicate their evening plans so that I don’t cook for eight and have four or ten show up for dinner. In addition to each person’s work/ school/social schedule, they must note a (D) at the bottom of each day to indicate whether or not he or she is planning to be home or bring a friend for dinner that night.

EVERYONE must pitch in

Laundry is never done and can, at times, be overwhelming if not kept up with. Whereas Bruce and I used to sit up late each night folding baby, toddler and children’s clothing and linens, now with six able-bodied people who have helped to create the tons of laundry that circulates our laundry room, those same people are required to participate in the washing, drying, folding and putting away that same laundry.

When our eldest girls went off to college, their habits of doing their own laundry loads began. So at age 18, each of the four older kids were carefully instructed in the finer skills of taking care of her and his own clothing. When the girls returned home, their responsibilities continue. Now Erin and Brandon have begun this task among their other college responsibilities. In addition to their clothing, they’re also responsible to changing and washing their own bedding and making their own beds. I, of course, will continue to take care of our youngest set’s laundry through their completion of high school.

Bath and kitchen towels, however, become part of the general laundry detail that Bruce and I maintain, but each of the six kids take turns folding and putting them away, which include pool/beach towels when the weather is warm. Each learned how to properly fold towels at age 8 or 9, and become proficient very quickly.

Our three daughters share a bathroom, and they are responsible for the care and upkeep of that bathroom. The only time that I clean their bathroom is prior to house guests’ arrival because that particular bathroom is the guest room next to Kathryn’s room, the guest room (the one kid room which contains a queen sized bed). As for the three boys’ bathroom, Brandon is required to keep their bathroom clean, a requirement not always filled. However, we keep “encouraging” the boys and the girls to keep their bathrooms clean. I make sure that our two additional downstairs bathrooms are maintained.

No maid service here

I don’t (well, I no longer) clean the kids’ rooms. Yes, I used to. Yes, I used to sit and spend entire Saturdays cleaning and reorganizing our children’s closets and dresser drawers every so often. For many years, our children’s rooms were under my control. I gave that up four years ago when I began going to school while working outside of our home full time. Not only did I believe that each kid had the full ability to take over this task and so should, I was just too tired and had too little time to continue this role. These days, each kiddo must keep his or her room cleaned up. If too many days go by without a cleaned up room, that kid or kids lose his or her room for 2 days and must sleep without the comfort and privacy of their room by sleeping in a sleeping bag on the loft floor. Then they must clean their room if they want it back.

Sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and overall tidying up is everyone’s responsibility. Kitchen clean up is shared equally and each person’s “daytime” and “nighttime” dishes duty is displayed right next to our whiteboard schedule.

The kitchen clean up duties roster is “written in stone” after it is agreed upon at the beginning of each school semester so that it aligns with each kid’s schedule. If one cannot clean the kitchen for some reason, it is that person’s responsibility to find a replacement or to make a trade. The only exception to this rule is if the scheduled person is ill or if it falls during final exams week. And by cleaning the kitchen, I mean the person on duty is to completely cleaning the kitchen, including unloading/loading the dishwasher, refrigerating leftover food, washing/drying the pots/pans, and putting away any cooking and cleaning items. The counters and table are wiped down, the floor is swept, and the lights are turned out. Anything less, and that person is brought back in to finish the job correctly.

Curfew, another MUST

My grandfather used to say: “As long as you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.” As a parent of older kids now, I can really understand the value and importance of his rule. When my girls were away at school, I really never knew when they got back to their dorm room or apartment. When they were in high school and started to drive or be driven by friends, I briefly used one of the phone apps that would track their locations. However, when they reached ages 17 and 18, it was time for me to let them know that I trusted them. Basically, no one ever gave us a reason not to trust, so we decided to slowly begin to give them more independence. Obviously, when the girls headed off to college out of town, we simply had to trust their judgment and allow them to make the same misjudgments/mistakes that we made when we went away to college. Keeping in touch via text, message and phone calls has been enough to keep us safely in touch.

However, each still lives under our roof today, and because we require that our home be safely secure by 1 am, that is the weekend curfew time, unless the event is special, for instance, prom night. If anyone will be a little bit late, he or she must text and let us know what’s going on. Once they’re home, they must please let us know, and to make sure that our home is locked up and secure.

I’m sure I’m not revealing any profound, unique or genius ideas for keeping a large family organized and responsible, but it’s what and how we do it. It’s never perfect, and there is often a conflict or issue to resolve, but hopefully this article has been helpful in some way to you!

Blessings ~

 

 

 

Being a Mom Makes You A Natural Problem Solver!

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WE ALL DO IT …

As soon as our heads hit the pillow after we turn off the lights, we take a deep cleansing breath and close our eyes. While we recount the day’s events with snapshot images pulsing in and out of our mind’s eye, we inwardly laugh about a clever comment one of children made, or we wonder how a friend that’s struggling with personal problem is doing, and we wish we hadn’t eaten those four Oreo cookies after the dinner dishes were done.

We also begin to think about the bigger things that revisit our minds each night, such as: “I’ve got to succeed at finally potty-training my youngest son”, or “it’s time to bring the car back in for maintenance work and it needs new tires before winter arrives”, and “we’ve got to start saving more for college tuition because high school is right around the corner!”

As our minds attempt to visualize the end result of our goals, we consciously and subconsciously formulate plans, create strategies, and make commitments to achieve those important objectives for ourselves and our families. Sometimes expressing these wishes to someone else, or physically writing them down on paper, make them all the more real and official.

As a woman, wife, and mother, what are some of the goals you’d like to achieve now or in the near future?

What elements in your life are keeping you from achieving your goals?

What specific obstacles are preventing you from living the life or lifestyle you want today, or are limiting your dreams for the future?

• Are you frustrated while trying to lose substantial weight?

Has the extra “baby” weight you’ve been carrying around been plaguing you with thoughts like, “I just gotta figure out how to lose it”, or “I’ll start that diet plan tomorrow”, or “Did my last attempt not work because of my lack of full commitment?”

• Are you worried about one or more of your children?

Do you worry about a slow weight-gaining baby?

Are you having difficulties with breastfeeding (low milk production, plugged milk ducts, or latching problems)?

Do you have a child who is doing poorly in school or is demonstrating a behavioral problem? Are you trying to find the source of his or her challenges?

Does your heart break as you watch your child struggle wishing you could snap your fingers and solve whatever the problem is?

• Are you experiencing financial worry?

Are you struggling to pay your mortgage or rent each month?

Are you putting off home repairs or renovations because there are more urgent issues eating up your household funds?

Are you considering placing your children in day care or after school care so you can go back to working full-time outside of the house to help pay bills?

Are your credit card balances and other debts getting out of control?

• Are you experiencing difficulties in your marriage?

Are the stresses of parenthood with its physical, mental, emotional and financial demands putting stress and strains on the relationship with your spouse?

Are you both so depleted and exhausted by the end of the day that there is no longer time, energy or desire to personally connect?

Are moments of intimacy very few and far between?

You alone know your deepest worries and hopes for finding solutions.

 

Everyone at one point will experience one or more of the above scenarios as parents in today’s fast-paced, demanding world. As women, and specifically as mothers, we begin solving problems simply by virtue of our nurturing nature. We instinctively comfort, protect and sincerely desire the happiness of those that we love. As mothers first calm and soothe a fussy newborn, it is ingrained in us to find the cause of sadness, discomfort or pain, and make it “all better”.

So, if we instinctively know if and when our child needs our help with a problem, we also instinctively know when it’s time to help ourselves. We know that the time has arrived for action on our part to better a situation that is becoming increasingly worse.

How do we do it? Our natural abilities to SOLVE, to FIND an ANSWER, to BETTER our situation kick in when we come to the point where we cannot endure the present challenging situation, as it stands, any longer.

It is amazing how true the saying is: WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY.

If you are struggling with a problem, or if there’s just something you want to achieve, a passion you can’t figure out how to pursue, then get up and find a solution. Dig down into your very heart and soul, commit to finding a way …

AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Believe it or not, the answer is within your reach.

Success in any endeavor is yours for the taking.

You have the power to tap into the powers of your own mind, will power, sense of commitment and resolve. Look at me. I’ve had and am raising six children, work as a medical massage therapist, am a published author and blogger AND am living my dream as a singer/songwriter/performer/recording artist. Wow.

IF I CAN DO THIS, THEN YOU CAN FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND MAKE THEM COME TRUE, TOO

As Napoleon Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” writes: Whatever the Mind can CONCEIVE, and BELIEVE, it can ACHIEVE.

Blessings ~

 

 

Are You Trying to be A SUPER MOM?

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With a large family, there are many aspects of “keeping it together” that need to be maintained on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. While I no longer insist that the entire house is in complete order as I once did before I had children, it is important to me to keep on top of the daily tasks and finances in order to keep our home and lives running as smoothly and as organized as possible. I’ve been asked on occasion if it’s possible to maintain an organized home with lots of kids. Honestly, some days don’t run as smoothly as I’d like, but for the most part, we all pitch in so that we all benefit from our team efforts.

7 Suggestions for Maintaining Controlled Chaos (well, most of the time):

Many share in the messing; many share in the cleaning.

1– Stay on top of daily chores: Keeping on top of the never-ending laundry, the ongoing kitchen tasks with meal prep and clean-up, keeping the pantry and refrigerator stocked with the meals for the week ingredients as well as basic staples, paying the bills and keeping control of the household budget simply are musts! But do I do it all on my own? Of course not!

2– Delegate: In our home, all of our kids each have a list of jobs to do around the house that are clearly posted in the kitchen for all to read and refer to (which, of course, they so appreciate being reminded about). Because two kids are 23 and two kids are now 18, and two are 10, each are required to take turns with dinner dishes and folding two large loads of laundry on alternating days in addition to their homework. Our 3 daughters are to keep their shared bathroom clean (not that they always do the perfect job at it) and to help take care of their younger brothers for me while I run errands. All are expected to keep their rooms in order as well as the upstairs loft which they all share to play games, computer work, homework and TV-watching.

3– Divide up tasks over several days: I try not to feel like it all has to be done everyday. I’ll spread my tasks out over a few days. For example, I’m content that the bathrooms get thorough cleanings on Mondays, vacuuming gets done on most Wednesdays, and dusting is saved for Thursdays, so that cleaning gets done once a week. The kitchen floor may not get completely mopped each day, but it requires sweeping and spot-washing several times a day.

4– Communicate/Post schedules: As for the children’s after-school activities and jobs, as schedules seem to constantly change, we communicate daily as to who needs to be where and when. A large weekly calendar is posted for all to see showing the newly college-graduated girls’ work schedules, the middle twins’ freshman college classes and job schedules as well as our youngest boys’ activities and cub scouts schedule. Bruce and I also keep everyone updated on our busy week schedule.

5– Be money-conscious: Many families with several children are tightly budgeted, which is no easy thing to do. While it can become a habit to place this or that on credit cards when there’s more month than money, it’s frighteningly simple for spending to get out of hand. Before you know it, you’re in deep debt! Our motto is: if we don’t have the cash for it, we don’t buy it. I plan out the dinners for a sometimes a week (or at least 3 days out) and stick to those ingredients so that I’m not tempted to buy lots of extras. I take advantage of sales, coupons and on occasion shop at second-hand stores for kids play clothing, etc. I believe that living this way is teaching our children to appreciate what we have and to respect the costs of daily life.

6– Take care of yourself: When the busy day full of jobs, home care and shuttling is over, find an outlet to relax. It’s important not to be hard on yourself when things don’t run as smoothly as you wish, so cut yourself some slack. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s what’s important! Exercise! I actually exercise in the evenings, followed by a hot shower or relaxing bath. The stress relief from endorphin release during physical activity, followed by the hormone oxytocin that the body releases while being soothed in warm water is the perfect prescription for relaxation!

Additional Stress Reducers: Go out and meet a friend for coffee and dessert or a movie, or go to a movie all by yourself and get immersed in a good love story or comedy. After having the chance to take a break, you’ll be a much happier wife and mom!  🙂

7– Go on a date with your husband! Get out once a week or so, just the two of you. Reconnecting often as a couple is VITAL to the longevity, renewal and healthiness of your marriage!

A huge relaxation source for me is to hang out with my musician friends … either as upcoming performance rehearsals or just to jam. Each week one music venue we frequently visit allows for local musicians and singers to get up and perform, and my husband and I LOVE being surrounded by these wonderful friends who have blessed our lives.

 

So here’s a good question: What is our ultimate goal as moms?

Is it to raise our children to become self-sufficient, independent, life-skilled, confident, responsible adults? They’re watching you live your life and handle the day-to-day challenges, and learning by watching your responses to the good and the bad. Too much pressure? Take a deep breath and relax because you don’t have to be perfect … no one can be.

People say to me all the time, “Fran, I don’t know how you do it!” And often I’ll answer, “Some days I do, and some days I don’t!” And that’s the truth … some days go as smoothly as a well-oiled machine, and other days seem to be fraught with a hundred little fires that need to be put out one by one, just like most families experience daily!

There’s no better training for our kids than to entrust them with chores, responsibilities, and expect no less than their best efforts in return for our trust, and in the process, we provide them with our unconditional love, support and encouragement (with doses of correction and redirection when needed!).

 And, in choosing to raise our kids while being best examples we can be …

We ARE SUPER MOMS after all!

Are you just “Overly-Emotional” or is it Postpartum Depression?

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Everyone experiences a natural spectrum of emotions throughout life, it’s just human nature. However, when overwhelming life events directly impact the body’s normal state of well-being, we sometimes lose our abilities to cope as we think we should. Such circumstances may include a death in the family, a long-distance move, or a divorce. But few events directly impacts a woman’s physical, mental and emotional state of being as much as the birth of a child. The sudden changes in hormonal levels as the result of giving birth can result in a feeling of sadness or “baby blues”. When these feelings don’t lessen after a few weeks, or become worse, a woman may be suffering from postpartum depression.

National Vital Statistics report that approximately 10 to 15% of women suffer from postpartum mood disorders (PPMDs), including postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety/OCD and postpartum psychosis. Statistics report indicates that the total number of clinically recognized pregnancies is around 6.4 million. 15% of that would mean that each year approximately 950,000 women are suffering postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression can occur anytime between one to two days following delivery, up to and beyond a year.

From a personal perspective, I did not suffer from PPD following either of my first two pregnancies. But, I fell into a deep dark place two weeks following the births of my third set of twins. Knowing that this was not normal for me, and also knowing that I wasn’t able to “talk myself out of it”, I asked my OB/GYN for a consultation, and after talking for some time, she prescribed a medication for me that was safe to take while breastfeeding. After a couple of weeks, I began to feel better, more like myself again. It felt as though sunshine was finally breaking through dark heavy clouds that had been looming overhead, raining heavily down on me for weeks, totally exhausting me. I saw color again. Finally, I could pick up the babies without feeling as though they were a threat to me, no longer foreign little bodies posing as the sources of my confusion and grief. If you’ve ever experienced postpartum depression, you can understand what I mean. I could cope with the struggles, challenges and fatigue without crying all the time, and felt the deep, protective love for my babies that was supposed to fill my entire being instead of chronic sadness and fear. I wasn’t completely symptom-free for a few months, but I knew this wouldn’t last forever. I was blessed to have my husband’s understanding, patience and support during my darkest times … and I prayed … a LOT.

Many postpartum depression sufferers just want to know WHEN it will end. Blogger and former PPD sufferer Katherine Stone educates on all areas of postpartum depression on her site: Postpartum Progress. One of her articles lists the six factors that can affect how quickly a woman can recover from PPD. She lists:

1. How long did you suffer from PPD before you reached out for treatment? If you’ve not sought treatment or help for a substantial amount of time, you may be looking at a longer recovery time. Nipping a problem in the bud, as they say, before it grows out of control can be key in reducing the time it takes to come out of the PPD fog.

2. How severe is your illness?

3. How effective is the treatment you have been using?

4. How effective is the doctor or therapist you’re working with? If your symptoms are quite severe, it may take more time, treatment and therapy (and their effectiveness) before symptoms begin to subside.

5. What is your current life situation and how may it be affecting your recovery? It will be much harder to go through this condition without some support. If you’re a single parent, for instance, you’ll have a harder time than if you have the support of your husband or other close family member(s). Whether you are returning to work or are a stay-at-home mother will also play a huge factor in your recovery time.

6. What have you been doing to follow your treatment plan and take care of yourself? The more sleep and the better nutrition you receive, the better, as both allow the body to recuperate and better cope with difficulties and challenges.

There are several physical support groups available, as well as online support blogs to turn to for assurance and understanding. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. PPD is a very commonly occurring condition that is well-recognized and well-supported. Don’t suffer alone, and know that you will get through this … the sun WILL come out again.

Fulfilling your nutritional needs will also help balance your hormones and provide you with an overall feeling of wellness. Please remember to eat a balanced diet full of lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, fresh dairy and take a daily supplement to fill in any nutritional gaps that may exist.

* * *

RESOURCES:

For more information, please visit Katherine Stone’s blog at: Postpartum Progress … together, stronger, where you will find a wealth of information and resources.

https://www.apa.org/pi/women/resources/reports/postpartum-depression.aspx

Also, please visit Mayo Clinic for medical information and treatment options for Postpartum Depression.

Blessings ~

 

 

Your Newborn Twins CAN Tell You What They Want!

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When I was lying on the sofa during my last pregnancy’s first trimester (you know, when you feel sick all the time, and have no more energy than it takes to lie around watching TV), I paid especially close attention to the Oprah show that aired one afternoon. When the announcement of upcoming guests and topics was made just as the show was starting, a chord was stuck in me, and I knew I would be giving my utmost attention to this program!

One of Oprah’s guests that day was an Australian mom named Priscilla Dunstan who shared with the audience her discovery of distinct infant cries and their meanings. I was glued to the TV because I knew that once again very soon, we would be parents to brand new infants. Ms. Dunstan in her method called Dunstan Baby Language describes the 5 different and distinguishable cry sounds that babies in their first few months of age make when they are expressing different wants and needs.

As Priscilla began to talk, I reached for already opened envelope that was on a side table nearby, picked up a less-than-sharp blue crayon, flipped over the envelope and started to jot down some notes. I had lived through the early months with two previous sets of twins, and one of the difficult and frustrating aspects was trying to translate my babies’ cries. I’d so often wished that the babies could TELL me what was wrong during fussy times that, no matter how I tried, I just couldn’t always resolve.

According to Priscilla, babies’ cries are reflexes that are detectable in 0-3 month old babies. What’s important is that you have to catch these sound signals early on, because if not responded to with the requested need readily addressed, the baby will stop using them as they get older.

So here are the 5 distinguishable sounds that infants use to express what they need:

  1. “EH” means “I need to burp”
  2. “NEH” means “I’m hungry” (and might be accompanied by rooting for the breast and sucking on his lil hand)
  3. “OWH” means “I’m sleepy” (with this cry usually comes the little wiggly chin)
  4. “HEH” means “Discomfort” (“I need for diaper change, I don’t like the feel of these jammies, I scratched myself”)
  5. “EAIR” means “Abdominal Gas” (I got this one a lot, and it usually turned up in the late afternoon and lasted through midnight, as colic would kick in!)

For exhausted new parents, these tips can save lots of time and ease frustration. I truly believe these sound translations are accurate because I put it to the test once Sean and Benjamin arrived, and I was amazed when I compared the sounds to what I’d learned … My husband and I really could apply a cry sound to a baby need (most of the time)!

You’ll be surprised how distinguishable these are, and how you’ll readily you’ll begin to pick up on these sounds. And again, as all mothers know, any and all tips that can ease the challenges of having newborns, (especially in multiples) are very welcomed!!

 

Blessings ~

 

Oops Moms of Twins: Your Stress Is Showing!

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“I can usually tell if

someone is stressed out or not just by looking at their belly size.”

– Dr. Mehmet Oz in First for Women

 

Boy, if that’s true, than we’re a stressed-out society! Is it my imagination or does it seem like more and more people, from children to seniors, seem to be harboring excessive amounts of belly fat these days? In an excerpt from a to-the-point article posted on the awareness-building and informative blog, Always sick and Tired (Help me get healthy), popular blog writer and chronic illness sufferer herself Always Sick Chick conveys to her readers after thorough research the following:

“There are obvious ways stress affects us negatively. It can cause irritability, tiredness, loss of energy, loss of appetite or an increased appetite, make us crave unhealthy things such as sugary foods with no nutritional value, etc…  All of these come together and cause weight gain, but it’s the type of weight gain that it causes that makes it different from anything else.

When we are chronically stressed out, our bodies believe we are in peril. We can thank evolution for this one, as the chronic stress of our ancestors was usually related to famine or extreme danger from a predator. Such stress meant the body needed to store up fat for fuel to keep from starving or to give extra energy for the fight or flight against the predator.

Today, though, our stress is different. We are not facing famine. Quite the contrary, in fact.  Food is plentiful. So whenever we are stressed, our bodies think we need food, even when we don’t. And as we eat that double cheeseburger, our body is storing every ounce of fat in it for the famine that it thinks is approaching, or the marathon it thinks we need to run to escape that saber tooth that no longer exists. The body does this with the help of a naturally occurring steroid produced by the body called cortisol.

You’ve no doubt seen those commercials about cortisol and how it causes stubborn belly fat. They’re selling you pills that don’t work, but their information about what causes belly fat is true according to Dr. Oz. The cortisol makes you hungry, even when you don’t need food, because you’re stressed out.”

I found that the older I became, the harder it was for me to lose my pregnancy and post-pregnancy weight, and I have had experience myself with stress-induced weight-gain and the inability to lose weight due to stress. It’s so frustrating, and the more stressed I am about the weight, the harder it is to take off … a truly vicious cycle.

Doctors and fitness experts agree that plain and simply: take in less than you burn, and you’ll lose weight; take in more than you burn and you’ll gain. Exercise while eating correctly will increase your metabolism and burn fat and calories while it also builds stronger muscle mass and allow you to have a more efficient metabolism. With more muscle mass, you’ll lose weight more quickly than if you only ate less or made better food choices because muscle burns calories, even while resting.

There’s some food for thought for you!

 

Blessings ~