This was a really fun interview with Buzz TV host Sherrie Clark on her show “Ignite Success”. Thank you for having me on your show, Sherrie!
Select the image to watch and read about our interview!
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The Sandwich Generation
T​here comes a time when we realize how fast our children are growing, and at the same time we realize how quickly our parents are aging. We find ourselves transitioning from our dependency on our parents (and you know how much we lean on them long after we’ve moved out and start our own families) to now worrying about them. We start to notice that they are slowing down, that they aren’t as energetic as in years past. They may be starting to lean on us as the roles now have reversed.
It is at this point that we are concerned for both the daily well-being and needs of our growing children AS WELL as our aging parents. We check in with Mom to find out how the last doctor’s appointment went for her more so than we would to let her know how our appointment went.
We are now sandwiched as care-givers for the generations below AND above us. Welcome to the sandwich generation.
Some of you who know our family’s history will recall that my husband Bruce’s Dad Royce Pitre was diagnosed with lung cancer from asbestos exposure (akin to mesothelioma) back in early 2003. In the summer of 2004, Royce passed on. In the late fall of 2012, my Dad, Cliff Circe was diagnosed with bladder cancer (due to decades as a cigarette smoker) and passed in early December 2012.
Where Bruce’s Mom, Sylvia never married again, my mom Virginia (Gigi) remarried in the summer of 2013. We all love Jim, and I lovingly refer to him as my StepDad. In the last 18 months or so, during all of this pandemic psyop, our 3 living parents (all now in their early 80s) have had a really hard time, and we’re very aware of their ages. Although before the pandemic, we all spent time together often as our family, the pandemic dictated that we become and remain careful not to risk virus exposure to our elderly loved ones. But due to increasing health problems, I’ve taken many trips to visit my Mom and Jim, and we’ve visited Bruce’s family in Louisiana as much as possible, much of which visiting was due to the activities related to the wedding of our daughter Kathryn during the summer and fall of 2021.
It was during this family wedding trip in Tucson when my mother-in-law Sylvia fell, badly injured our left shoulder, and then needed a full shoulder replacement before she could return to Houma, Louisiana. After her surgery, her transportation home with family members, and the start of her recovery, I flew to Louisiana to stay with Sylvia. She’s lived alone since her husband’s passing, but many family members live nearby, I knew I could help her rehabilitate due to my clinical training in physical therapy as a manual therapist. I offered my help to assist her while she rested during the important healing process prior to the start of her physical therapy plan of care several weeks away. The other family members who live there in town with Sylvia all work full-time jobs. Initially they created a rotation of care-givers who would stay overnight with her in the early weeks after her surgery, but it was a hard schedule to sustain. Because I can work my graphic design business, write music and coordinate music events straight from my laptop, I had the ability to move in with Sylvia for several weeks knowing that Bruce could handle our home and family in Jacksonville without me for a while. I was able to care for her, cook, clean, grocery shop and drive her to appointments.
Meanwhile back in central Florida, my step Dad’s diabetes and COPD became increasingly severe following a heart attack he suffered shortly after having his gall bladder removed in November of 2020. Eventually, his failing health has put him under hospice home care as needed. My mom’s physical health is ok, but it’s been very taxing on her to care for her declining husband.
After visiting Houma this past early July 2022, I was at my parent’s home in western Orlando, for a weekend when I received a text message from my sister-in-law in Louisiana that they had taken Sylvia to the ER because she had fallen in her home. She had broken her right wrist and needed surgery to place a stabilizing plate. I asked if she wouldn’t mind having me come back once the surgery was done so I could help her as I had last fall, and she welcomed me back. This time I drove to Louisiana and stayed about 10 days so I could cook, clean, drive her to appointments and keep her company. After leaving, the other family members needed to come and help daily to make sure she was doing okay. She was weak and unsteady from pain medication and residual effects of anesthesia, and while I was there, she had a bad reaction to some medication and back to the ER we went. Her sleep patterns were backwards so I didn’t get much sleep while staying there. I returned home to Jacksonville exhausted but ready to pop back into my role as mom caring for my own family’s needs.
So, I’m back at home, but I keep my suitcase nearby in case I need to drive to stay with my Mom in Orlando or drive back to Louisiana. At the same time, I still have a 9th grader, an 8 grader and one in his last year of college. Six of us still are under our roof … just a lot going on!
We’ve had some family discussions and have decided to have Sylvia visited daily by their local Council on Aging organization. They offer free services from meals-on-wheels to help with appointment transportation. We hope that she’ll regain her strength and go back to being as independent as she always has been, but with each passing year, and with each injury set back, it’s becoming harder to recapture her confidence, her stability and self-reliance.
My mom is so grateful for their hospice system there in Orlando. The nurses and aides are wonderful, and help with medication and with Jim’s growing personal needs such as dressing and bathing. They also offer respite time where he stays in a close-by nursing care facility so Mom can have a few days to rest, focus on herself and their home, and to get some errands done.
There are many resources if you know who and where to ask.
Here are a couple of articles that I found that explain the experiences many of us are living right now.
https://www.apa.org/topics/families/sandwich-generation
I’ll keep everyone posted on our family as always. It’s difficult to face the mortality of our parents, but this is life and these times give us opportunities to return the love and care that our parents gave us throughout our lives. I can never thank our parents enough for all of their support, love and help during challenging times for me, especially their help when our 3 different sets of twins were all newborns.
Are any of my readers going through a similar experience? It actually feels like another season of life, this sandwich phase. I’d love your feedback!
I just want to share this exciting news!
So please forgive me for a post that has nothing specifically to do with parenting multiples, but it does have to do with raising kids who grow to understand that their parents’ lives are continuing just as their lives continue to move along, progress, and present new experiences and the realization of goals and dreams.
In March of this year (2022) I learned of a music organization called the Josie Music Association. Now in it’s 8th year, this association has grown by leaps and bounds both in its recognition in the independent music artists community worldwide due to their annual awards program, but also in their credibility and legitimacy in the global professional music industry.
A music PR and promotions representative here in Jacksonville asked if he could submit some of my published/released music the JMA for award consideration. I was honored to be asked and I was excited at the possibility that recognition could be an affirmation of so many years of very hard work, and of dreams that had started in my childhood.
Well, my 2nd album was submitted having met the time deadline for submission, and one of my recently released singles was submitted as well.
On May 5th a live stream announcement event was held for those artists who’d had material submitted. We were invited to log on and listen for the possibility of hearing our names announced as nominees.
Now, from what the association representatives reported, there were 52,422 music and artist submissions from all over the world. I thought, “the odds are certainly not in my favor, but the honor of having material submitted for consideration was a pretty cool experience. I can try again next year!”
But then as the category for “Pop Album of the Year” was announced and the nominees were read… MY NAME WAS ANNOUNCED! I’ve received a nomination for my original album entitled: “Follow Your Dreams”! Needless to say,I was in shock!
When the category for “Pop Single of the Year” was announced, my heart was still pounding as I listened to the list of names being announced. And then I heard that my single entitled; “My Cool Drink of Water” has been nominated!
The concluding announcement had my heart beating even faster: The official JMA Awards Ceremony will be held in Nashville, TN at the Grand Ole Opry House where countless greats have graced the stage over the years, on Sunday evening, October 23rd, 2022.
Well, we’re going! Just Bruce and I. But our kids are ABSOLUTLELY THRILLED about this news! Part of their excitement is that ALL SIX KIDS sang and recorded on one of the nominated album’s songs entitled: “Just Like That”.
I’m honored, humbled and excited beyond words. Bruce and I are so looking forward to driving up to Nashville in October for the awards show, complete with red carpet media entrance! Being nominated alone is amazing and is the ultimate affirmation of the recognition of the quality of our music. I’m so very blessed to work with a team of such incredibly talented co-writers, co-producers and sound engineer.
So, pretty soon, I need to buy a dress!
Check it out! https://www.josiemusicawards.com
Our pup Simon
I don’t want to say much, but we’re heartbroken by the loss of our boy pup, our Italian Greyhound, Simon. We welcomed Simon into our family on Dec 1, 2011 after he’d just turned 5. Our youngest twins (Sean and Ben) had recently turned 4. .
He chose then 11-yr-old Erin as his girl, his number 1, but as soon as she went to school the next day, I became his number 2. I was his mom, and he was Erin’s best friend. He’s been with us through thick and thin, gone on thousands of walks and many car rides (although he really wasn’t a fan of car rides), knew all of my dreams and secrets from our long talks during long walks, he was Erin’s shadow when she was home, and he was mine when she wasn’t.
He stood behind me in the kitchen for any and all treats or nibbles that happen to fall or were offered to his awaiting mouth. He loved lettuce, bell pepper, a variety of fruit, rotisserie chicken, but his favorites were pot roast trimmings and apples!
We love you and we will miss you forever, Simon. Thank you for giving us nearly twelve years of unconditional love!
Our daughter’s wedding is back on!
Just a quick post to announce that, despite all of the craziness this past year has brought us, Kathryn and Jonathan feel confident that proceeding on with the new wedding date of October 22nd will work!
So, I’ll be hosting her bridal shower this summer (probably August) along with her twin sister Lauren and younger sister Erin and other bridesmaids including cousins in Louisiana. With Kathryn already in Tuscon, and me here in Jacksonville, it will be long distance planning and assisting in any way that I can. Since I must be honest, I admit that I wish soooo much that she wanted to have her wedding in her home town and home state where most of her family live, especially those who don’t feel comfortable traveling these days with flight restrictions, etc, plus the fear of getting sick. But, it’s not my wedding, it’s theirs. So, I’ll do everything I can to help, all the while wishing I could do more hands on.
Because it’s in October, we’ll have to take the boys out of school for a week or so. I don’t know if we’ll be driving or flying, but we’re looking into both options. Ultimately, we are so looking forward to celebrating our first born (older than her twin by 1 and 1/2 minutes) and her husband to be!
Volunteering again!
Once the kids began school, I jumped into the volunteer helper role pretty quickly because I wanted to stay active and close to them. I was a homeroom mom several years for several grades helping their teachers with activities such as projects and field trips. I volunteered in the cafeteria, helped with fundraisers large and small, and from pre-K through high school, I was happy to use my creativity to help both our schools and our church as the yearbook committee chairperson and as a member of our church choir.
With the passage of time and the growing up of my kids, plus the added aspect of this crazy world where everything feels off, imbalanced and full of so much confusion, I felt a pull to reenter a ministry that I hadn’t been actively involved in for years: that being the PRO-LIFE movement.
For years prior to our having a family, Bruce and I were actively involved as trained counselors at a crisis pregnancy center in Northern Virginia. Over the years as our family grew, I would step in to help with office and newsletter work at our local center here in Jacksonville, but I hadn’t stayed consistently involved having been so busy with our young children. But the time felt right to put myself back in the role of pro-life counselor. I contacted our local center, met with the director and some of the other staff members, became familiar with recent industry practices and protocols, and read up on everything. I went through training and shadowing of other counselors and then began to help women in crisis
What an honor and humbling experience this decision has been. Many people that come to our center are simply in need of a proof of pregnancy form signed by a healthcare professional so that she can apply for Medicaid. But, as expected, many come in out of fear that they are facing an overwhelming situation that was not expected.
As counselors, we are faces and voices of nonjudgmental people who understand, who listen, the repeat back what our clients are telling us so they know that they are being heard and understood. We assure each person who has come to us for help that she is safe, she is validated, supported and she is not alone. We offer a vast amount of information and resources for her to make an INFORMED DECISION if she is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Each person is completely individual in social and health situation, history, family dynamic and either family support or lack thereof. Ultimately, we provide food for thought and enough support that decisions can be made. Faith is a component of our counseling session if the client has expressed religious beliefs while we talk about her options.
This role is difficult and wonderful at the same time. It’s frightening. Before entering the counseling room each time, I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my words. I pray for each client and for the baby she is carrying. I am in awe and very humbled that God can use me as his instrument to help another woman in need. For now, I will volunteer a full day, once per week, and we’ll see where this may lead.