Author Archives: fran pitre

avatar

About fran pitre

Welcome everyone! My name is Fran Pitre ... I'm the wife of a great guy, mom to 6 amazing kids who all happened to come in sets of two, I'm a graphic designer, published author of “TWINS x 3” (2019 Edition now available!), singer/songwriter, and clinical massage therapist. If you've come to this site looking for support, info and inspiration as a parent of twins, you've come to the right place!

Becoming a SAHM … is it right for you?

Posted on by
Reply

For my husband and me, deciding whether or not I would leave the onsite workforce when our first set of twins arrived wasn’t tough for us. Placing two newborns in daycare would have been very expensive, so we decided to accept and compensate for our temporary reduction in income. As challenging as it was in the early days while staying home with infants twins, the lack of stress that would have been involved with providing a daycare sitter enough pumped breast milk, diapers, clothing, etc., for two babies while I went to work just to pump milk far outweighed any income we would have kept after paying the monthly daycare bill.

I was happy with my decision, and I’ll never regret having stayed home with my children while they were preschool aged. Although my income would have prevented some financial strains over the years, I would have regretted missing out on my children’s early lives which already flew by too quickly. By the time we had six kids between the ages of 0 and 12, my taking care of our busy children just made sense.

I was fortunate that my career skills as a graphic designer provided me the ability to work from home while I was a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). When my eldest set of twins were six months old, I began to provide freelance design and production services for the office department where I had previously held a full-time position. I simply worked on a per-project basis via remote access, and with the arrivals of twin sets two and three, I eventually operated my own part-time design business from my home office. It wasn’t easy balancing my family and professional life, but doing so gave us some needed supplemental income, and I could stay current in my field’s ever changing technology.

There are ever-growing opportunities these days to allow a SAHM to become a WAHM should she choose to do so.

There were, and will probably always be, those who criticize a mother’s decision to continue working outside of the home and criticize those who leave the workforce to stay at home with her children, so parents simply have to decide what feels right and makes the most sense for their own family.

The above article was submitted to What To Expect on 3/6/19 for story contributions of “What factors should be considered before a woman decides to be a SAHM?”

”.

Do your kids behave better for others than they do with you?

Posted on by
Reply
Children behaving badly

While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered.  “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”

I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
       

As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
       

Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
       

Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.

The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”

.

.

Parenting over the years … how much has it changed?

Posted on by
1
Parenting over the years … much has changed and much has remained the same.

Now that I’ve been a parent for 24 years, I believe that some aspects have remained constant while others have evolved over the years. My initial thought when reading the title of this article was that technology, and its subcategory social media, have caused the biggest changes for me. Where, as moms, we would call our own mothers or other close, trusted family members for advice concerning pregnancy, diaper rash, preschool, and preparing for prom, we commonly today jump on our social media sites and poll our “friends” for advice or to simply observe how other moms address these concerns. While this approach to support and information may be quick and convenient, the other side of the coin often reveals conflict, disagreement and judgment, leading us to regret putting our private lives out there for scrutiny. In addition to providing a source of information and support, social media has also become a spotlight for some of us as we raise our children year to year. If parenting isn’t stressful enough, we have put added pressure on ourselves to present our families as “perfect”. And should we put our challenges and shortcomings out for all to view, we are oftentimes asking for criticism and for advice that we may really not be asking for at all.


So how parenting has changed for me is with the ever moving progression of technology, and I believe that this applies to all generations prior to mine and to all those in the future. What has not changed, I firmly believe, is our deep, primal desire to protect, care for, nurture, support and unconditionally love our children as we prepare to send them off into this technologically ever-changing world.


The above article was submitted to FamilyMinded.com on 2/7/19 for story contributions of “Things that have changed in parenthood and parenting over the years”.

Chores! Everybody pitches in.

Posted on by
Reply

In a family as large as ours, it’s vital that each member pulls his or her own weight from an early age if we’re all to maintain sanity in our household. As early as toddlerhood, each child was taught how to put his toys in the toy boxes before bed time and to bring her dirty laundry to our laundry room baskets. Preschool children learned how to fold dish towels and bath towels (because there are ALWAYS clean baskets of those waiting to be folded), as well as removing and remaking bed sheets each week. I used to do it all myself, but in time I learned that in allowing them to do it themselves, despite the crooked sheets, they improved with practice!

If you contribute to the mess-making, you’re gonna contribute to the clean-up

As each child grows, more responsibilities are given. After arriving home from school, there is no snack or play time until all backpacks are emptied, homework is placed on our dining room table to be done, and lunchboxes are put where they belong.
       Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

The above article was submitted to the Epoch Times on 2/20/19 for story contributions of “Do you encouraging your children to participate in household duties?”

Our Best Attempt at Organization

Posted on by
Reply

“Fran, how in the world do you stay organized in your house with young adults, teenagers and eleven-year-olds all constantly going in different directions?” I was asked this question recently. To answer her question, I had to stop and think because it really wasn’t an event that happened overnight, but rather a progression of trials and errors that eventually became law in our home because of a need to maintain sanity and some level of order.

When the kids were all much younger, we had very busy schedules to keep on top of, but back then, I had more knowledge and dare-I-say “control” over what everyone did, where they went, and when. I just had to keep myself organized, I suppose.

Today, we have two 24-year-olds who still, although for not much longer, live at home. We also have two 19-year-olds who are also home and currently attending local universities to save lots of money by commuting to school as opposed to having housing and meal plans as part of their college semester costs. Our older girls went to out-of-town universities for a year or so each, and it had cost seriously $$$! They both transferred from different schools to different local schools eventually so they could save money while completing their degrees. And with our youngest boys being eleven years old, they’re a bit easier still.

Actual photo of my family coming and going. (Just kidding: photo credit https://www.geofflawrence.com/motion_blur.html

So, while we have a blur of people coming and going constantly, we have lots of chores to be kept up with, and we do not have a hired cleaning service.

Each member of our large family has to pull his or her weight, which means each must pitch in with cleaning, laundry, kitchen duty, etc.

And with six drivers and four vehicles, we have to sacrifice, compromise and get creative while sharing cars.

Knowing each other’s schedules is a MUST

For practical and safety reasons, it’s imperative that I know where everyone is and what each has planned during the upcoming week. We started with a tear-off calendar, but then moved on to a reusable, erasable white board.

Because each night needs an evening meal, I insist that each of the older kids communicate their evening plans so that I don’t cook for eight and have four or ten show up for dinner. In addition to each person’s work/ school/social schedule, they must note a (D) at the bottom of each day to indicate whether or not he or she is planning to be home or bring a friend for dinner that night.

EVERYONE must pitch in

Laundry is never done and can, at times, be overwhelming if not kept up with. Whereas Bruce and I used to sit up late each night folding baby, toddler and children’s clothing and linens, now with six able-bodied people who have helped to create the tons of laundry that circulates our laundry room, those same people are required to participate in the washing, drying, folding and putting away that same laundry.

When our eldest girls went off to college, their habits of doing their own laundry loads began. So at age 18, each of the four older kids were carefully instructed in the finer skills of taking care of her and his own clothing. When the girls returned home, their responsibilities continue. Now Erin and Brandon have begun this task among their other college responsibilities. In addition to their clothing, they’re also responsible to changing and washing their own bedding and making their own beds. I, of course, will continue to take care of our youngest set’s laundry through their completion of high school.

Bath and kitchen towels, however, become part of the general laundry detail that Bruce and I maintain, but each of the six kids take turns folding and putting them away, which include pool/beach towels when the weather is warm. Each learned how to properly fold towels at age 8 or 9, and become proficient very quickly.

Our three daughters share a bathroom, and they are responsible for the care and upkeep of that bathroom. The only time that I clean their bathroom is prior to house guests’ arrival because that particular bathroom is the guest room next to Kathryn’s room, the guest room (the one kid room which contains a queen sized bed). As for the three boys’ bathroom, Brandon is required to keep their bathroom clean, a requirement not always filled. However, we keep “encouraging” the boys and the girls to keep their bathrooms clean. I make sure that our two additional downstairs bathrooms are maintained.

No maid service here

I don’t (well, I no longer) clean the kids’ rooms. Yes, I used to. Yes, I used to sit and spend entire Saturdays cleaning and reorganizing our children’s closets and dresser drawers every so often. For many years, our children’s rooms were under my control. I gave that up four years ago when I began going to school while working outside of our home full time. Not only did I believe that each kid had the full ability to take over this task and so should, I was just too tired and had too little time to continue this role. These days, each kiddo must keep his or her room cleaned up. If too many days go by without a cleaned up room, that kid or kids lose his or her room for 2 days and must sleep without the comfort and privacy of their room by sleeping in a sleeping bag on the loft floor. Then they must clean their room if they want it back.

Sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and overall tidying up is everyone’s responsibility. Kitchen clean up is shared equally and each person’s “daytime” and “nighttime” dishes duty is displayed right next to our whiteboard schedule.

The kitchen clean up duties roster is “written in stone” after it is agreed upon at the beginning of each school semester so that it aligns with each kid’s schedule. If one cannot clean the kitchen for some reason, it is that person’s responsibility to find a replacement or to make a trade. The only exception to this rule is if the scheduled person is ill or if it falls during final exams week. And by cleaning the kitchen, I mean the person on duty is to completely cleaning the kitchen, including unloading/loading the dishwasher, refrigerating leftover food, washing/drying the pots/pans, and putting away any cooking and cleaning items. The counters and table are wiped down, the floor is swept, and the lights are turned out. Anything less, and that person is brought back in to finish the job correctly.

Curfew, another MUST

My grandfather used to say: “As long as you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.” As a parent of older kids now, I can really understand the value and importance of his rule. When my girls were away at school, I really never knew when they got back to their dorm room or apartment. When they were in high school and started to drive or be driven by friends, I briefly used one of the phone apps that would track their locations. However, when they reached ages 17 and 18, it was time for me to let them know that I trusted them. Basically, no one ever gave us a reason not to trust, so we decided to slowly begin to give them more independence. Obviously, when the girls headed off to college out of town, we simply had to trust their judgment and allow them to make the same misjudgments/mistakes that we made when we went away to college. Keeping in touch via text, message and phone calls has been enough to keep us safely in touch.

However, each still lives under our roof today, and because we require that our home be safely secure by 1 am, that is the weekend curfew time, unless the event is special, for instance, prom night. If anyone will be a little bit late, he or she must text and let us know what’s going on. Once they’re home, they must please let us know, and to make sure that our home is locked up and secure.

I’m sure I’m not revealing any profound, unique or genius ideas for keeping a large family organized and responsible, but it’s what and how we do it. It’s never perfect, and there is often a conflict or issue to resolve, but hopefully this article has been helpful in some way to you!

Blessings ~

 

 

 

Simple Money-Saving Tips for Families

Posted on by
Reply

You don’t have to be a financial wiz to apply some simple methods to stretch your family’s work within your family’s household budget and not stress over money. Here are a few strategies that we employ in our home:

FOOD for 8: I never go to the grocery story without a list of 4-5 days of meals planned out and precise the ingredients for each meal precisely listed to prepare enough to feed eight. I do this whether everyone will be home for meals that particular day or not because left-overs make quick next-day lunches or another dinner easily. Food never is wasted around here! Having and sticking to my grocery list prevents me from combing the store aisles grabbing items and spending more money than I should. Although I’m not the biggest coupon user, I do use store brand items and take advantage of sales on the items I need. All of us are cost-conscious, so bringing a homemade lunch to school or work  instead of buying and eating out is the norm around here.

CLOTHING: Hand-me-downs are a must. Our younger children used every item used by their older siblings until those items were worn out! Today, our girls all wear each-other’s clothes as they’re now all the same size and have similar fashion taste.

ENERGY: And as for saving energy, water, and laundry detergent, we reuse our bath towels for a minimum of 4 days (hey, you’re clean after your shower, so let the towel dry and reuse it!). As for heating and cooling our home, our thermostats are coded with a password that only my husband and I know because once we realized our teenagers were adjusting them without permission, we nipped that in the bud quickly! On good weather days, turn the thermostats off and open the windows!

TRANSPORATION: Lastly, we share vehicles which saves on gas by requiring lots of carpooling to schools and jobs. We have six drivers and four vehicles so we all learned to be creative, flexible and considerate of each other’s schedules and needs.

The above article was submitted to Women’s Day Online on 1/28/19 for story contributions of “As a mom, what are some easy and creative ways you save money?”

When It’s Time for a Change (and I’m not talking about your baby’s wet diaper)

Posted on by
Reply

“Fran, how and why do you do all that you do?” Here is a question I get a lot. So let me go back to the beginning and explain how I got here.

While pursuing my college degree in Graphic Design, I was active in musical theater. By the time I was married a few years, I’d worked my way up to associate art director with a suburban Washington, DC advertising agency, and then to lead designer with the publications/presentations department of a large computer corporation. This was my day job back then, while my side gig was singing backup and lead vocals in a local rock band.

Then I had my first set of twins in Dec of 1994.

I was very happy to continue my career and contribute to our family income while working from my home office on a freelance basis during the years my husband and I raised our first, then second, and then third set of twins between 1995 and 2013. In 2009 I wrote and published: TWINS x3, a book in which I shared the roller coaster life I was leading as the mom of three sets of twins. Shortly after the book was released, I began a mommy blog (the blog you’re reading now) to support parents of multiples based on my own experiences and to help promote my book. Although I had never lost my love for singing, music and performing, the time was simply never right to get back into it because I was so busy with my work and children. I was beginning to accept that this part of me had ended.

In 2014, my right shoulder was severely injured which resulted in two separate surgeries and long courses of physical and massage therapies. Because my healing process was long and difficult, but ultimately successful, I was very grateful and desired to “pay it forward”. With my husband’s support, I went back to school at night while continuing to work part-time during the day and caring for my family. In August of 2016 I completed my courses, sat for the state health department board exam, and became a Licensed Clinical Massage Therapist. I then began working with the physical therapy department of a Primary Care Physicians office.


In the summer of 2017, with my youngest set of twins now approaching the age of 10, it struck me that perhaps, just maybe, I could investigate options for singing professionally part-time again. My desire to live this part of me just couldn’t be held in any longer. The kids were all growing up, and maybe it wasn’t too late to start again. At a local studio, I recorded some cover demo songs in order to market myself, designed and created a music website, posted on social media, and received overwhelmingly positive feedback. After an incredible turn of events, I found myself singing backup vocals with a long-time professional singer on a New York City stage in October 2017. In 2018 I planned, promoted and produced a July performance in my hometown of Jacksonville where the NYC singer and I performed together. Meanwhile, I wrote song lyrics and began working and recording with a local composer/arranger. In November of 2018, we independently produced and released my first album of original songs, and today this music can be found on most music streaming sites. The album’s title song is called “You Always Were” which is a song I wrote about how music has always been a part of me, and how happy I am that it’s back in my life. I continue to work part-time as a clinical massage therapist.

I’ve been asked over the years if I would write another book. Instead, I recently decided to update my book TWINS x3 so I could fill in my readers on what has happened these last 10 years with myself, my husband and our six amazing children. The 10-year-Anniverary, 2019 Edition of TWINS x3 is out now!

The above article was submitted to Women’s Health Magazine on 1/30/19 for story contributions to “Women in the U.S.: What triggered your career change(s)?”

As a Mom of Twins, Are You Feeling Personally Fulfilled?

Posted on by
Reply


If you ask any mom today, especially a mom of twins or more, if she is feeling personally fulfilled with her daily life, she may say “absolutely”! Another may answer that she is not. Ask another mom this question the morning following a sleepless night up with sick kids, and she may tell you … to bite her.

When my first set of twins were six months old, my husband Bruce and I moved away from Northern Virginia just outside of Washington DC, where we had lived and built our careers for nine years. We relocated, for reasons that included getting out of the crazy traffic of the Capital Beltway, as well as the desire to be closer to both of our families, and found ourselves in Gainesville, Florida. This particular city became our new home because Bruce received the best employment offer from a growing architectural firm there out of the several companies where he’d sent resumes in the various areas we’d considered relocating to.

Though we were now closer to our families, we were not, however, in the same towns. In fact, we were still two hours by car from my parents, and ten hours from Bruce’s family.

When the boxes were unpacked and we were finally settled into our two bedroom apartment, a particular realization of loneliness, isolation and culture shock descended upon me. My former life as a wife and professional no longer existed, and not only did we leave our home, city, jobs, activities, the band I performed in, our friends and everything else familiar to us for the previous nine years, but I was now a full-time mother of two babies, and  …. well, that now summed up my life.

Keeping constantly connected to friends in on a daily basis in 1995 wasn’t as easy as it is today. Back then, the internet was just developing, and Mark Zuckerberg was only 11 years old. I kept in touch with my long-distance friends and family by phone, and was grateful when Bruce came home from work in the evenings.

I loved my baby girls very much, and they kept me very busy. Between feedings I took them up to our apartment pool to swim, and for stroller walks around our complex, to the grocery store, the mall, and to a nearby park where a beautiful lake was surrounded by a paved strolling/jogging path. I still, however, felt separated and detached. Although I loved my life as a mom, especially after wanting to become a mom for so long, I missed my job, my music … my old life. I missed enjoying my lunch hour with coworkers and friends, being challenged by projects at work, band rehearsals and gigs, and needless to say, sleeping uninterrupted each night (but that’s another topic)!

I took the advice of friends who were also moms and decided to contact the local twins club there in Gainesville so I could connect with other moms of twins. I also joined the Parents of Preschoolers group at our new church. Interacting with other women who were experiencing similar circumstances, or who were just wanting to form friendships, was the key for me to no longer feel alone and isolated.

One area was still lacking for me, however. By the time my girls were about 18 months old and no longer breastfeeding, I contacted the creative department head who had been my boss in the corporation I worked for up in DC. We had discussed my freelancing for her before we had moved away, and I was now ready to work again. Granted, it would only be very part-time because my hands were very full with my toddlers, but I was ready to work, if only on a very part-time basis.

Once I began to propose layouts and designs again, and receive rewarding feedback, I felt my self-confidence sky rocket. I had regained my ability to contribute my skills, talents and experience back into the career that I loved and had worked hard to build. I was an exhausted, fulfilled, busy but very happy mom. Singing with my favorite CDs while working in our home office helped to satisfy that need in me as well. The paycheck that arrived every two weeks only added to the benefits of self esteem and growing self-worth. I was, of course, needed by my husband and my children, but knowing I was also needed in a professional capacity was enormously rewarding and fulfilling.

 

My advice to mom of twins who desire personal fulfillment:

1) Realize that now as a mom, your life has now forever changed … but it can be better and more fulfilling than you ever imagined!

2) Count your blessings each day (your beautiful, healthy children, your supportive husband, the baby weight slowly coming off) because “a thankful heart is a happy heart” (yeah, I got that from a Veggie Tales song!)

3) Become involved in activities, organizations, clubs, church, and any other enjoyable activity where friendly human interaction is central to your involvement.

5) Take good care of yourself … don’t neglect your own needs such as exercise, wellness check-ups, quiet alone time, and regular salon/spa visits.

4) Hire a babysitter on a regular basis so you and your husband can go out and place “being parents” on temporary hold, and feel like “a couple” for a few hours.

5) Re-connect with your former career and passion or find a new one! My best advice is to find a way to work from home so that placing your children in day care or preschool too early isn’t an added expense for you, or time away from your children. (REMEMBER: they grow up SOOOOO fast!)

And so to this day, two more sets of twins later, I’ve continued to enjoy my fulfilling life as a mom of now six children in addition to being now a medical massage therapist working with a physical therapy team. I also relaunched a very fulfilling music career. I had been a vocalist in an alternative rock band in the Washington, DC area, quitting only when I was completely sick with early pregnancy nausea with my first set of twins. And NOW I’M BACK doing what I ABSOLUTELY LOVE now that my youngest set of twins are now TEN! My life is busy, productive, and I’m so thankful and happy. I’m also very proud to be  a strong role model for my children, especially my three daughters.

If you’re like me, being able to stay involved with enjoyable activities, being available and flexible to plan my days around my children’s busy schedules, AND still being able to maintain your professional skills and passions can prove to give you a very rewarding life!

Being a Mom Makes You A Natural Problem Solver!

Posted on by
Reply

WE ALL DO IT …

As soon as our heads hit the pillow after we turn off the lights, we take a deep cleansing breath and close our eyes. While we recount the day’s events with snapshot images pulsing in and out of our mind’s eye, we inwardly laugh about a clever comment one of children made, or we wonder how a friend that’s struggling with personal problem is doing, and we wish we hadn’t eaten those four Oreo cookies after the dinner dishes were done.

We also begin to think about the bigger things that revisit our minds each night, such as: “I’ve got to succeed at finally potty-training my youngest son”, or “it’s time to bring the car back in for maintenance work and it needs new tires before winter arrives”, and “we’ve got to start saving more for college tuition because high school is right around the corner!”

As our minds attempt to visualize the end result of our goals, we consciously and subconsciously formulate plans, create strategies, and make commitments to achieve those important objectives for ourselves and our families. Sometimes expressing these wishes to someone else, or physically writing them down on paper, make them all the more real and official.

As a woman, wife, and mother, what are some of the goals you’d like to achieve now or in the near future?

What elements in your life are keeping you from achieving your goals?

What specific obstacles are preventing you from living the life or lifestyle you want today, or are limiting your dreams for the future?

• Are you frustrated while trying to lose substantial weight?

Has the extra “baby” weight you’ve been carrying around been plaguing you with thoughts like, “I just gotta figure out how to lose it”, or “I’ll start that diet plan tomorrow”, or “Did my last attempt not work because of my lack of full commitment?”

• Are you worried about one or more of your children?

Do you worry about a slow weight-gaining baby?

Are you having difficulties with breastfeeding (low milk production, plugged milk ducts, or latching problems)?

Do you have a child who is doing poorly in school or is demonstrating a behavioral problem? Are you trying to find the source of his or her challenges?

Does your heart break as you watch your child struggle wishing you could snap your fingers and solve whatever the problem is?

• Are you experiencing financial worry?

Are you struggling to pay your mortgage or rent each month?

Are you putting off home repairs or renovations because there are more urgent issues eating up your household funds?

Are you considering placing your children in day care or after school care so you can go back to working full-time outside of the house to help pay bills?

Are your credit card balances and other debts getting out of control?

• Are you experiencing difficulties in your marriage?

Are the stresses of parenthood with its physical, mental, emotional and financial demands putting stress and strains on the relationship with your spouse?

Are you both so depleted and exhausted by the end of the day that there is no longer time, energy or desire to personally connect?

Are moments of intimacy very few and far between?

You alone know your deepest worries and hopes for finding solutions.

 

Everyone at one point will experience one or more of the above scenarios as parents in today’s fast-paced, demanding world. As women, and specifically as mothers, we begin solving problems simply by virtue of our nurturing nature. We instinctively comfort, protect and sincerely desire the happiness of those that we love. As mothers first calm and soothe a fussy newborn, it is ingrained in us to find the cause of sadness, discomfort or pain, and make it “all better”.

So, if we instinctively know if and when our child needs our help with a problem, we also instinctively know when it’s time to help ourselves. We know that the time has arrived for action on our part to better a situation that is becoming increasingly worse.

How do we do it? Our natural abilities to SOLVE, to FIND an ANSWER, to BETTER our situation kick in when we come to the point where we cannot endure the present challenging situation, as it stands, any longer.

It is amazing how true the saying is: WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY.

If you are struggling with a problem, or if there’s just something you want to achieve, a passion you can’t figure out how to pursue, then get up and find a solution. Dig down into your very heart and soul, commit to finding a way …

AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Believe it or not, the answer is within your reach.

Success in any endeavor is yours for the taking.

You have the power to tap into the powers of your own mind, will power, sense of commitment and resolve. Look at me. I’ve had and am raising six children, work as a medical massage therapist, am a published author and blogger AND am living my dream as a singer/songwriter/performer/recording artist. Wow.

IF I CAN DO THIS, THEN YOU CAN FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND MAKE THEM COME TRUE, TOO

As Napoleon Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich” writes: Whatever the Mind can CONCEIVE, and BELIEVE, it can ACHIEVE.

Blessings ~

 

 

Twin Mothers Supporting and Empowering Each Other

Posted on by
2

Each day, I visit several facebook group pages and blogs because not only do I sincerely enjoy connecting to, relating to, and sharing with virtually thousands of wonderful women with whom I have the common experience of motherhood, but also because it strengthens my convictions to pay forward the wisdom and knowledge I have been given through my own personal experiences. As women first and mothers second, we relate to each other’s pain, frustration, fear, hope, fatigue, and excitement, and we share our many occasions for celebration.

Although tangibly connected by the internet, there are emotional bonding moments that occur when the act of understanding form deep connections. We reach out to one another to help calm fears, to encourage, and to assure while sharing and celebrating in the joys, and while mourning in the times of loss and sorrow. We share the common bond and experiences together as mothers of multiples. Some of us are moms of multiple multiples!

When a woman posts a question or concern, say for instance, about her high-risk pregnancy, upcoming delivery, or sending twins off to school (from kindergarten to college), I’ve witness tremendous, generous support and assurance in the warm and sometimes humorous comments that are posted beneath the question. Some of the conversations go on for days, and include 40-50 comments. When the inquiring mom or mom-to-be thanks all of her advice-givers and cheerleaders, I know she means it. I know she’s just received some solid advice and information that she can trust because her supporters have BEEN THERE. They have walked 100 miles in her shoes, and she knows it. The inquiring woman is affirmed and empowered knowing that she can trust and act upon (most of) the advice of these trusted sources.

As for the many commentators — those women who encourage and support with their tips, ideas and suggestions —they are also on a receiving end. Knowing that she’s been able to contribute some nugget of wisdom that she’s acquired from their own experiences, and has personally contributed to the peace of mind and support of another, she feels affirmed and blessed. Obviously there are the “know-it-alls”, the “critics”, the “haters” and the “my-way-or-the-highway” contributors … readers need to take or leave these types of  comments, and if the choice is to leave them, it’s important to just let them roll off. I’ve seen for the most part, however, that positive, encouraging, loving, giving contributions are in the majority.

We all know the saying: ’Tis better to give than to receive. It’s so true.

In giving, we receive a boost of self-worth because the advice or suggestion we have to contribute is received as valuable and will be put to use by the woman who needed to hear (or read) those particular words of wisdom we shared. As women, we have a strong desire and capability to nurture not only our families, but others who we may sense need nurturing. When we receive the nurturing and support, we are strengthened and comforted by knowing we are understood and we are going to be okay.

Assisting, calming or encouraging just one woman as she goes through the overwhelming experience of having and mothering her twins, blesses me tremendously, and is a very empowering experience.

Women helping women … it’s been going on for centuries.

Long before babies were born in hospitals, women were the only attendees and assistants present during childbirth. For centuries, women worked to prepare meals while passing on their skills to their younger female generations. Women naturally love to talk, to share, to commiserate, to vent, to laugh, and to confide.

Does sharing your wisdom and experiences give you a sense of self-worth, of confidence, of empowerment?

What experiences, knowledge or aspects of your life that have given you peace of mind or resolution could you share with another woman or mother who may be experiencing difficulty? Has a female friend or relative in your life reached out to you in a subliminal way, conveying a need, a desire, or the hope that difficulties won’t last forever … that a solution will present itself some how?

We’re here to support and help one another. It’s just what women do.

I think of the devotion between Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. For those who are not familiar, Ruth was Naomi’s daughter-in-law who had lost her husband (Naomi’s son). Through all the trials and travels the two women experienced, Ruth remained loyal and devoted to the service of Naomi, stating in Ruth 1:16: “… Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”

Blessings ~