We call ourselves the “FINAL FOUR” … the last two kids teenaged kids and their parents, and lately the final four have been enjoying the spring weather here in Northeast Florida before the HOT arrives, and we know it will!
We didn’t go out of town for the kids’ spring break from school, but enjoyed hiking our local Jacksonville Arboritum, cycling with Ben’s boy scout troop, and attending Sean’s school’s annual spring carnival.
And before we knew it, the celebration of Easter had arrived!
I hope you and your family have been enjoying the spring of 2023. We’ve rounded the final bend of the school year and take the home stretch to summer break!
Soaking in our beautiful Jacksonville Arboritum, April 2023Benjamin, 15, earning cycling merit badge with his scouts troop, April 2023Sean, 15, standing next to the poster for the Spring Carnival that he designed, April 2023They may not be little kids anymore, but they still love decorating Easter eggs! April 2023Our church’s beautiful Easter Vigil Mass that included Baptisms, Confirmations and first Holy Communion for many new Christians. He is Gloriously Risen, Alleluia!Gorgeous Easter eggs, created by Pitre kidsYeager, our Erin’s pup wishing everyone a Happy Easter!
After a full year of spiritual growth and preparation, our youngest boys Sean and Benjamin were Confirmed on Saturday evening, April 23, 2022: their formal, personal confirming of their faith in Jesus Christ, receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and embracing our Catholic faith as young adults in the church.
l to r: Benjamin, Bishop of Diocese of St. Augustine Phillipe Estevez, Sean and Fran’s brother, Fr. Scott CirceSean making his Confirmation with sponsor Brandon supporting him.Benjamin making his Confirmation and receiving blessings while Fran’s brother Cliff Circe supports Ben.Our boys and their proud Dad and Momma!l to r: Bruce, Erin, Fran’s sister-in-law Patty Circe, Fran’s brother Cliff Circe, Fran, Sean, Brandon, Benjamin, Fran’s brother Scott Circe and Lauren
We’re so proud of our young men, and also proud of our son Brandon for being Sean’s sponsor, and my brother Cliff Circe for being Benjamin’s sponsor. We also thank my sister-in-law Patty Circe for celebrating with us, and very special thanks to my brother Fr. Scott Circe who concelebrated this very special Mass of Confirmation candidates which included his nephews, one being his Godson, Benjamin.
When the new school year began this year, we parents in the state of Florida were given a choice when considering the threat of contracting Covid 19: do we keep our children home and continue distance learning, or do we equip them with face masks, hand sanitizer, and strict instructions for correct social-distancing practices and send them back to school?
Well, the good news, as I already stated is that here in the state of Florida, we were given the choice to either continue distance learning or allow our children to return to a brick-and-mortar school, back in the classroom. As parents, we should consider either determination of this choice correct. There is no correct or incorrect option considering this choice. The important thing is to choose what is best for your children, for your peace of mind as a parent, and for what you feel is best for your family.
Following the traumatic summer of older son being being very ill with the cornona virus, when August arrived, I was simply not ready to send my youngest two boys back to school for fear that we’d be inviting another case or two of this virus into our family. So we decided to continue distance learning from our home. Sean and Ben have been attending 6th and 7th grade via Microsoft Teams through a secure site on our county school system’s site referred to as “Home Room”. Our teachers (God Bless them all) are teaching students in their classroom along with those who have opted to learn from home.
After a few weeks of adjustments and tweaking, my boys and I fell into a groove of getting up, getting dressed, eating breakfast and then sitting down at 8:30 am to begin their first scheduled classes. The days continue through their classes with a few breaks (and lunch), followed by my orders to “now go out and ride your bikes!” when the school day is over.
As the weeks and months have progressed, I’ve done my best to help each child stay on top of their classwork and homework assignments amid computer issues and internet disruptions. I received many assignment pages to print out, and then to upload once completed. Different teachers approach assignment tasks differently than others, and there have been changes, inconsistencies and problems to solve throughout our experience. It’s been frustrating, and as time has passed, I’ve questioned effectiveness of long-term online learning for my middle-school students. Are my boys truly learning well? Are they able to connect with their teachers, ask enough questions, feel that they are participating and keeping up with the subject matter? In some instances, their grades and my discussions with their teachers have indicated that they are, but in many instances, they’re not.
So I started to weigh the options again between distance learning and possibly returning them to the classroom, and again, I feel very fortunate to live in a state where we currently have the choice between attending school either in the classroom or virtually.
Where I stand today, my plan is to transition our boys back to the classroom after the Christmas break, at the start of this school year’s third quarter. The boys will be equipped with fresh personal protection equipment recommended by a friend who works healthcare, which has successfully protected her and her children so far.
What changed my mind?
I realize that there is a current surge in corona virus cases due to weather changes, as it would align with this year’s flu season, and that I, as a mother, must do everything I can to protect my children. And as parents, we must take into account all factors of our children’s well-being. I’ve realized that as the school year has progressed, my boys have demonstrated the symptoms of isolation, of frustration, irritability, most likely due to their lack of socialization. I’ve begun to wonder if my desire to keep them from getting ill from this virus (a survivable virus in more than 99% of cases) has been causing my children harm and in more ways than the virus, if they were to contract it, would.
I feel slightly more confident to move in this direction of sending them back to school for two reasons. 1- it appears evident that the virus is mutating and weakening. Those that I personally know who have become ill, do not appear to be as ill or for the illness to be as long-lasting as it has been in during last winter and in the spring/summer; and 2- therapeutics and medication protocols have tremendously improved as compared to treatment guesses that were enlisted last spring. In fact, therapeutic approaches have improved significantly and are more readily available even compared to July and August when my son Brandon was sick. I plan to continue the preventative measures we have been using for months: Vitamins D and C along with daily zinc supplements together with healthy nutrition and plenty of sleep. And if our two healthy young boys are to contract the virus, we and our doctor know what measures to take for their recoveries.
And if others in our immediate family catch the virus, hopefully we’re young and health enough to manage well.
For now, starting our second school quarter, and as we approach the holidays and the end of this incredible year 2020, we plug along just like everyone else, making the best choices for our families, staying positive and faithful, and looking forward to a safe and healthy 2021!
What are your thoughts on this subject? How are you handling your children’s education today? Please share your comments, questions and thoughts for further discussion!
It’s called a ‘novel coronavirus’ … a “new” virus never experienced before in the history of humankind. Some healthcare professionals say that it is, however, approximately 78% the same as common coronaviruses responsible for common colds and influenza. This number obviously leaves a significant 22% of unknowns, unpredictables and sleepless nights.
I know there are many who have had a much worse experience than we have, families with several members sick at the same time, and the loss of many loved ones. I’m simply sharing our particular, present experience with the hope that something about it can be helpful to someone else.
(Warning:Brief Digression) I have strong beliefs about the evil reasons behind this virus’s very existence, but don’t we all? Being denied access to in-person medical care by our 20-year primary care doctor while Brandon’s status was “positive” (when he needed them the most), as well as being denied access to the until-recently-available, 65-year-old, safe medication that multitudes of passionate, reputable, front-line practicing physicians all over the U.S. have proven can actually prevent (protect), shorten and cure this virus, has been an experience that I find very difficult to accurately and sufficiently describe. I’ve recently contacted our Florida governor, both senators and our district’s house representative to request new legislation that will ensure our rights as citizens the availability of requested medications that are being blatantly withheld. If you agree with me, please contact your legislators, as well. This mother bear has been angered and has been growling for many weeks.
Ok, enough of that.
My objective for this post is to share which therapies we feel have proven beneficial for my son as far as immunity boosters and other medication treatments are concerned. Doctors everywhere are perplexed, so there is little proven (available) protocol to follow yet. So, while following advice from professionals, and through some personal trial and error, parental instincts and common sense, we’ve arrived today at Brandon’s current status of “starting to feel better”.
I am not a doctor, and I am not making recommendations for you nor for your family members. Only you and your doctor know what is best for you. However, the following is a list of supplements/medications that Brandon has taken throughout his journey with this virus, and he is, thankfully slowly recovering.
1— Zinc and Vitamin C The 13.3 mg of zinc found in products such as Cold-eeze, and Airborne, for example taken 4 times per day (with food) has provided a significant decrease in Brandon’s symptoms. Zinc on the vitamin aisle in pill form will provide your full day’s dose with just one tablet. Additional vitamin C is also beneficial for immunity support. He’s been taking Emergen-C Immune which contains 1,000 mg vitamin C.
2— Baby Aspirin One daily dose of an 81 mg baby aspirin seems to have improved and prevented further problems with his circulation. He had complained of cold feet and hands in the beginning. Blood clots are a common occurrence with this virus and can occur when patients are bedridden. For Brandon, X-rays and CT scans (complete with contrast imaging dye injections) at his two ER stays ruled out any blood clots in his lungs, abdomen and extremities.
3— Tylenol (acetaminophen) There was initially the belief that ibuprofen (ex: Advil, Motrin IB) worsened COVID cases and led to many deaths, but later that belief was deemed false. We didn’t want to take any risks, so we simply continued the use of acetaminophen to help reduce fever and body aches.
4— Corticosteroid oral inhaler Qvar RediHaler is an inhaled medication (beclomethasone dipropionate) that Brandon was prescribed last fall to help treat a chest cold. He located his inhaler and started using it from the onset of his COVID symptoms to prevent congestion and possible pneumonia and to encourage lung function to properly continue its ability to effectively oxygenate his blood. I truly believe this inhaled steroid has played a big part in keeping his lungs clear.
5— Albuterol(via nebulizer breathing machine) Due to having six children and many cold and flu seasons, we bought our own nebulizer machine many years ago. We asked our doctor to please prescribe Brandon albuterol sulfate liquid vials for use in the nebulizer. For several weeks, he gave himself nebulizer breathing treatments twice per day or when needed to further aid in bronchial and lung health tissue dilation. He hasn’t needed to use this treatment in the last week.
6— Molecular Hydrogen (dissolving tablets) Dissolved in 16 oz of water and consumed 1-2 times per day, OTC (search online: “molecular hydrogen tabs”) as a powerful method of providing hydration at the very cellular level, and is the most powerful antioxidant on the planet, preventing free radicals from forming which become harmful cells, and destroying the free radicals that already exist. When we hydrate every cell of our bodies, we allow them to work at their full active potential, and we can turn illness around and prevent further disease. I’ve given Brandon this supplement every day since he got sick. He now is a true believer in its benefits.
Sincere Appreciation to Healthcare Professionals
We also depended upon and were eternally grateful for the health care he could received. Thank God the ER doctors and staff came to his rescue twice when he most needed them. They are our heroes, without a doubt. When Brandon received his second consecutive negative COVID test early last week, he was only then finally allowed to see our primary care doctor for an in-person examination. After the examination, the doctor ordered blood work to assess his overall wellness, and prescribed him a broad-spectrum antibiotic to treat a suspected sinus infection which was probably behind his lagging sore throat. Our doctor also prescribed him some further anti-anxiety medication for use only as needed. Anxiety and fear has played an enormous part in all of this, especially at night.
Simon, our family’s rest and recuperation expert and role model
All along, Brandon has remained well-hydrated and well-fed when his appetite allowed. He rests and sleeps as much as he wants to (taking our dog Simon’s nonverbal advice), walks around inside and outside our house to encourage circulation, and to start rebuilding his stamina. When it’s not too hot outside, he opens his bedroom window to bring in fresh air. We’ve isolated him completely, or rather, he self-isolated himself, until he received his second negative test, and we’ve been careful to disinfect surfaces all along.
Although he’s feeling better, reports the return of his ability to smell and taste, and that his hair and nails have begun to grow again, he still says he’s far from “feeling good”. His skin still feels hot and sensitive to warm temperatures (especially around his core), and is peeling in places. He still has joint and muscle pain. His blood test results were given to him over the phone, and indicated that all was normal, with no sign of the COVID virus still in his blood.
We pray that he feels like himself again soon, that he has no long-term health problems as a result of this virus’ effects. It’s clear to us that he had a significant and dangerous case. We know it could have gone in a completely different direction, and we’re so thankful that it didn’t. We pray that no other family members nor friends become infected and sickened, especially those who are older.
We also pray for the thousands people going through this right now. Many homes include multiple sick family members, and it’s so frightening and truly dangerous when the elderly are exposed and sickened.
Many thanks to all who ask for updates, and for your continued prayers. We are blessed that our boy is slowly recovering. Despite the frustrations we all feel about this pandemic, I have no doubt that we will persevere through it. In the meantime, we’re concentrating on taking care of each other, trying to remain patient, praying to God for guidance and protection, and keeping our faith strong.
I know that the chances were pretty good when we, like most people, started easing out from behind the doors of our quarantined lives to test the waters “out there”. I was aware that one of us may contract this evil virus somehow, some way. Now, please understand that Bruce and I have been those parents … you know, the ones who didn’t allow our live-at-home college kids to work at their part time jobs at a smoothie restaurant past March 20th, even though it was a business that was considered “essential” and never closed. Our first set of twins, our eldest girls, both moved out last year, so our family home contains 6 of us right now, and we have all stayed home … we worked from home (jobs and school) for months, just like most people have. We have had one designated grocery-shopper: my husband Bruce.
Bruce and I decided during the last week of May to finally venture out … to brave and test the outside world beyond our local Publix. After much debate and consideration, we chose to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary by staying overnight in nearby St. Augustine, FL, while eating at two restaurants in the course of those 2 days. Phase 1 was in effect so restaurants were at 50% capacity. Mask-wearing wasn’t mandatory or enforced anywhere, but we made sure to wear them when necessary. It was actually quite comfortable having empty tables between each dining party. Well, the weekend get-away was a success, and in time we knew we had not come in contact with the virus.
Then phase 2 opening measures were put in place here in Floriday approximately three weeks ago (the 1st of June), and we reluctantly agreed to allowed Erin and Brandon to return to their part-time jobs at the same fast-food restaurant. The restaurant requires masks and gloves for all employees. Each of them has a significant other, and we finally allowed them to start spending time with them in person and not just via face-time.
Due to these changes, however, strict guidelines for those returning from the jungle were enforced: no shoes in the house; strip asap; start a hot water load of laundry; and take a hot shower.
I stepped up my already vigilant cleaning/disinfecting so that, in the event, the kids somehow managed to pick up THE GERM, I could kill it before it could sicken anyone.
While living this way, as we all have been, I’ve developed a sad perspective. I look around and see people masked and afraid. Dare I say we have become afraid of each other. The fear of this virus, and all of the gloom and doom we’ve been bombarded with these last few months have given us a subconscious (or conscious) attitude of repulsion toward people. Have you noticed it?
No, I won’t get into my political beliefs on the origin of and the reason for this virus’ world-wide outbreak, but most will agree that if something could cause us to eagerly and protectively comply with social distancing, to distrust and fear our neighbors and friends, this situation has certainly proven effective. Self-protection and self-preservation has been placed above all else.
Recently, Bruce began to return to his office 3 days a week, but needed to have his temperature checked at his office building’s front entrance, and all employees work spaces were sufficiently distanced from each other.
As for me, although I did not return to work as a health coach and manual therapist, I was looking forward to performing with my band. We had put on a virtual, live stream concert at the end of May, but could not wait to perform on stage again in front of a live audience, albeit small and socially-distanced). We have a performance at an outside venue near the beach scheduled for this coming Friday, 6/26. I’ve also recently resumed some music recording for my nearly-finished second music album, and other creative projects . We were slowly, carefully, reintroducing aspects of our lives.
Then came last Tuesday, June 16.
My son Brandon sent me a text message from his upstairs bedroom that I saw when I woke up around 7:30. “Mom, I am not feeling well, and I’m running a fever. I’m so sorry.” He then admitted that he’d kind of felt “off” the day before.
Oh NO. Without my knowledge, Brandon had driven himself downtown at 6am to receive a nasal swab test at the COVID19 testing center that has been set up in our football stadium’s parking lot. Because of the civil unrest that has been experienced downtown and in most other U.S. cities these last two weeks, he was turned away by the police and military groups attempting to maintain order and safety. Testing would resume later that day.
So he came home, and I then called our doctor’s office. We were directed to either return to the stadium later, go to any ER, or call and then go to a laboratory testing center (like LabCorp or Quest). He was turned away at both LabCorp and our closest ER, so he drove himself back downtown, sat for 3 hours in line while harboring a 102 degree temperature, and was finally tested. He would not receive results for 3-4 days.
Obviously not waiting for test results, we placed him in complete isolation, self-quarantined our family, and I cleaned our home like I’d never cleaned it before. I moved our younger twin boys to a room previously occupied by one of our older daughters so they were as far from Brandon as possible. Brandon’s twin, Erin, decided that she may have been exposed at work too, if that is where Brandon was exposed, so she is presently self-isolating in her bedroom, and wearing a mask if she ventures out to any other area of our home. Bruce contacted his boss and other coworkers, notifying them that he wouldn’t be back in the office or be able to attend any meetings for the time-being because of possible virus exposure.
I’ve been through many bouts of flu while parenting six children, and will tell you, that this has been no ordinary flu. It will be one week tomorrow since the onset of Brandon’s symptoms. The following is the how this virus has progressed:
Tuesday: In the middle of the night between Monday and Tuesday, he awoke feeling achy and “off”. By 5am he knew he had a fever. The thermometer registered nearly 101 degrees. As the day went on the body aches, headache and muscle stiffness worsened. By that night, his temp was 102 degrees.
Wednesday: He experienced an up-and-down fever all day. He took acetaminophen when it got too high, but we really wanted to annihilate this virus, and a fever is how to do it. By Wednesday evening, he began to report a scratchy throat and the beginnings of a cough. He had no appetite, but he pushed fluids. This is the day when he began to take increased vitamin C, D and zinc, some probiotics and a strong antioxidant molecular hydrogen dissolving tablet which is part of my health coaching dietary supplements.
Thursday: His fever seemed to be lowering and by that evening, his temperature was normal, but he still had chills, body aches and headache. I encouraged him to take a shower in the bathroom that only he’d been using since Tuesday morning. He had little appetite today, but I still encouraged nibbling. I went to the store, donned a mask and gloves, and bought his favorite snacks of Cheez-Its, honey-roasted peanuts, jello fruit cups and all his favorite fresh fruit.
On Thursday afternoon, I received a text message from Brandon again. This time it read: “Mom, I was just notified of my test results. It is positive. I’m sorry”. Although I fully expected it, I still felt a bowling ball hit me in the stomach.
I felt panicked. I felt terrified and crippled with fear. I can’t let Brandon or the other kids know that I am.
We have it. We have COVID-19 in our home. COVID-19 has made my son very ill. There are 3 other children and my husband living here, now exposed. Oh, and me, too. I spent the next 2 hours personally contacting our family, friends and our close-by neighbors. I contacted my band because I will not be performing next Friday. I won’t be continuing to record my album’s music. The kids and I were about to finalize a song they are recording with me.
At 8pm that evening I received a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. It read: “Hi Fran, I’m sorry to hear that your son is sick. My family and I live in the rental house near the end of this street. I got your number from another neighbor. Have you all been tested? You must get tested. Your two younger boys were outside last weekend and they may have exposed my child. All of us on this street feel the same way. There are many places where you can receive rapid results. You must do this immediately. In the meantime, because of your boys, we must all self-quarantine. Let me know AS SOON AS YOU HAVE TEST RESULTS.”
So, yeah. My first response was anger. But did I understand? Of course I did. I also understood that we were now considered the lepers of our neighborhood. Here we were, viewed with fear and probably disgust. After composing 3 different versions of text messages that I wanted to fire back with, I deleted them all and replied: “Thank you for your concern. Yes, we’re all being tested tomorrow, and I’ll let you know as soon as we have results.”
This is just the way I roll. I try very hard not to respond when I’m angry or feel indignant, or to what I perceive to be an insult. I would feel exactly the same way, but I probably would be a little less demanding. Maybe.
Mother bears show their claws at times like these. I know, because I would like to tear to pieces whomever caused this virus to be unleashed because it is now VERY PERSONAL … more personal than the inconveniences of lock-downs, of wearing masks, of lost income, of missing our friends and extended family. My family has been directly impacted. My child has been sickened. His life has been threatened. Our home has been invaded by a very dangerous enemy.
Everyone wants to know where he could have “picked it up”. We probably will never know. What I do know is that the number in positive cases have spiked considerably since Phase 2 was initiated. I completely supported the initiatives to re-open the economy and, well, life. It was time. I guess, also, that it was a matter of time before it directly impacted our family.
Friday: I spent several hours trying to make appointments for 5 people to receive COVID-19 tests. Unsuccessful in securing appointment before the following Wednesday, we finally we went up to a nearby urgent care facility and waited as walk-ins. Honestly, the wait wasn’t too bad and it was a good experience. While masked, were all evaluated, had our vitals checked, and received nasal swab tests within 2 hours. Our results would be expected in 4 days. Sigh.
Brandon seemed to want to eat a little bit by Friday evening. I made a chicken, spinach, Alfredo sauce with bow tie pasta dish that I know he loves. He thanked me and said how much he wished he could actually taste it. He has lost all sense of taste or smell.
He has been spending his waking hours playing video games, watching movies and chatting with his girlfriend. His girlfriend reported that 3 extended family member that have not been anywhere near her nor her parents have recently tested positive. Tragically, one of these people were her grandmother, who passed away last Tuesday having been in her mid-seventies and suffering with diabetes. Just unbelievable.
Saturday: Brandon started to experience significant respiratory discomfort. He complained of pain in his mid back and the sensation of his airway tightening. He continued to feel cold, and complained of chills despite a normal temperature.
I took a little bit of time after dinner to make Bruce a home made cheese cake for Father’s Day. It would chill in the fridge, and be ready after dinner on Sunday.
Brandon was now beginning to suffer increasing bouts of anxiety. He, naturally, has been reading everything online that he can find on this illness, and he’s scaring himself. I was awake with him throughout all of Saturday night, sitting on the floor in the hall down from his partially-opened bedroom door. He had panic attacks and was afraid that he was experiencing decreased circulation. I made him check his fingers and toes with the pinch test, and all looked normal. He complained next of loosing feeling in his hands and lower arms. Having some medical training and holding a healthcare practitioner’s license, I tried my best to assure him that his complexion looked healthy, that his energy level was encouraging, that his fingers and toes presented all signs of healthy circulation. He swore that his lips were turning blue, and I swore that I didn’t see it. However, I also was not experiencing first-hand what he was feeling. From what I’ve been reading and hearing myself, the symptoms he’s been experiencing seem to be par-for-the-course as far as this thing is concerned. I knew that if he didn’t spike a new fever (secondary infection, possibly pneumonia), or if he wasn’t having any difficulty breathing (shortness of breath), then his symptoms were not life-threatening and should be managed at home.
Sunday: However, by 6am, he convinced himself that he must go to the ER. Bruce and I tried to convince him that if he were lethargic, and had any inability to take deep, full breaths, we would share his concern. But his stress and his anxiety were now running the show. So he walked down the stairs, out our front door, and got into his car. I didn’t want Bruce riding in a car with him, and Bruce didn’t want me doing the same. So Brandon, full of anxious energy and focus, drove himself to the hospital. We insisted that he keep us posted constantly. Exhausted, I went to bed, but received each of his text messages each 15 minutes or so.
The triage nurse assessed him, and took his vitals. Aside from a slightly elevated heart rate and blood pressure, all checked out fine. His chest x-ray was clear and his pulse-oxygen reading was 100%. He drove home and went back to bed. He did, however, receive some peace-of-mind that his lungs weren’t full of fluid nor was his blood lacking oxygen.
Happy Father’s Day to Bruce
Although I’d chosen up to this point not to post all of this on Facebook, I have been reading some posts from a fellow musician here in town who I’d actually talked to last year about possibly playing bass for our band. When I realized that he and Brandon were in the same stage of this illness, both having started symptoms this past Tuesday, I reached out to Mark via messenger. Later that evening, he texted Brandon so that the two of them could connect and “compare notes” while commiserating. Mark, being a funny guy, also calmed Brandon down with his positive attitude. With Mark’s wife working as a nurse and having worked with COVID patients, he recommended that we purchase our own pulse-oximeter so Brandon could check his own blood-oxygen level, and to give Brandon 5-10 mg of melatonin each night so he can calm down and sleep better.
Monday (today): I gave Brandon 5mg of melatonin last evening, and although he was still up and anxious at 1am, he finally fell asleep, and didn’t wake until 11am. Today he is still experiencing chills and has a sore throat.
But, he wanted to eat today, saying he was hungry. I haven’t heard him use that word in a week. I’m praying (we all are) that he is beginning to improve.
So, my friends, this is serious. It is very serious. As for how it entered our home, it wasn’t for lack of mindfulness. We didn’t lack care. We took it serious, we took precautions. We may have even been overly-protective.
And yet, here we are.
We pray for our son, that he improves and recovers rapidly and completely. He’s young and healthy, so his prognosis is good. We also pray for everyone else going through this right now, for those struggling with this, and for those who have lost loved ones to this insidious, evil virus. We are also praying that this virus stops with Brandon and doesn’t spread throughout our family.
We have faith and we know that God has this.
Please be careful. I see online that there were so many large family gatherings celebrating Father’s Day. People are celebrating summer, celebrating each other, celebrating LIFE. I get it. I really do! But I don’t want people to get THIS, nor to keep spreading this. It’s not over …. it’s far from over. Please be careful. Don’t act irresponsibly. Don’t act foolishly.
Do I think we should all live our lives in masks? I wish there was another option. People wearing masks for extended amounts of time can cause their blood pressure to increase while their decreased oxygen intake can lead to hypoxia (under-oxygenated blood). We could be slowly suffocating ourselves. Infections due to over exposure of carbon dioxide we’re breathing in such as respiratory acidosis are developing. We’re all buying cute, decorative, washable masks (me, included), but if they’re not properly cleaned and dried after each use, we could be breathing in bacteria and developing serious infections. A young food-service employee recently was diagnosed with life-threatening pleurisy as a result of long-term mask-wearing. For people with asthma, like me, wearing a mask is absolutely brutal and I’ve come to realize that my symptoms increase after I’ve been wearing a mask for any amount of time.
For so many professions, however, it’s vital to stay as protected and protective as possible, especially when working in close proximity with others can’t be avoided. People must wear them for entire 8-12 hour shifts, or they lose their jobs. Some companies and business demand that patrons wear them or they cannot enter. Do we either get sick or we get sick? Is wearing a mask the lesser of two evils? It is, however, very important to protect others from exposure, if we have knowingly or unknowingly exposed or contagious.
As for healthcare professionals, masks are obviously mandatory and unavoidable. I can’t express how deeply thankful I am to those every one of these heros working on this war’s front lines. I pray for their safety every day.
There’s just no way around this, and I don’t have the perfect solution, but with common sense, time and faith, we’ll get through this.
We just all have to be patient, to be smart and to take care of ourselves, and those who we love.
Please check back! I’ll continue to update our story-in-the-making …
For my husband and me, deciding whether or not I would leave the onsite workforce when our first set of twins arrived wasn’t tough for us. Placing two newborns in daycare would have been very expensive, so we decided to accept and compensate for our temporary reduction in income. As challenging as it was in the early days while staying home with infants twins, the lack of stress that would have been involved with providing a daycare sitter enough pumped breast milk, diapers, clothing, etc., for two babies while I went to work just to pump milk far outweighed any income we would have kept after paying the monthly daycare bill.
I was happy with my decision, and I’ll never regret having stayed home with my children while they were preschool aged. Although my income would have prevented some financial strains over the years, I would have regretted missing out on my children’s early lives which already flew by too quickly. By the time we had six kids between the ages of 0 and 12, my taking care of our busy children just made sense.
I was fortunate that my career skills as a graphic designer provided me the ability to work from home while I was a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). When my eldest set of twins were six months old, I began to provide freelance design and production services for the office department where I had previously held a full-time position. I simply worked on a per-project basis via remote access, and with the arrivals of twin sets two and three, I eventually operated my own part-time design business from my home office. It wasn’t easy balancing my family and professional life, but doing so gave us some needed supplemental income, and I could stay current in my field’s ever changing technology.
There are ever-growing opportunities these days to allow a SAHM to become a WAHM should she choose to do so.
There were, and will probably always be, those who criticize a mother’s decision to continue working outside of the home and criticize those who leave the workforce to stay at home with her children, so parents simply have to decide what feels right and makes the most sense for their own family.
The above article was submitted to What To Expect on 3/6/19 for story contributions of “What factors should be considered before a woman decides to be a SAHM?”
While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered. “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”
I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.
The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”
“Fran, how in the world do you stay organized in your house with young adults, teenagers and eleven-year-olds all constantly going in different directions?” I was asked this question recently. To answer her question, I had to stop and think because it really wasn’t an event that happened overnight, but rather a progression of trials and errors that eventually became law in our home because of a need to maintain sanity and some level of order.
When the kids were all much younger, we had very busy schedules to keep on top of, but back then, I had more knowledge and dare-I-say “control” over what everyone did, where they went, and when. I just had to keep myself organized, I suppose.
Today, we have two 24-year-olds who still, although for not much longer, live at home. We also have two 19-year-olds who are also home and currently attending local universities to save lots of money by commuting to school as opposed to having housing and meal plans as part of their college semester costs. Our older girls went to out-of-town universities for a year or so each, and it had cost seriously $$$! They both transferred from different schools to different local schools eventually so they could save money while completing their degrees. And with our youngest boys being eleven years old, they’re a bit easier still.
Actual photo of my family coming and going. (Just kidding: photo credit https://www.geofflawrence.com/motion_blur.html
So, while we have a blur of people coming and going constantly, we have lots of chores to be kept up with, and we do not have a hired cleaning service.
Each member of our large family has to pull his or her weight, which means each must pitch in with cleaning, laundry, kitchen duty, etc.
And with six drivers and four vehicles, we have to sacrifice, compromise and get creative while sharing cars.
Knowing each other’s schedules is a MUST
For practical and safety reasons, it’s imperative that I know where everyone is and what each has planned during the upcoming week. We started with a tear-off calendar, but then moved on to a reusable, erasable white board.
Because each night needs an evening meal, I insist that each of the older kids communicate their evening plans so that I don’t cook for eight and have four or ten show up for dinner. In addition to each person’s work/ school/social schedule, they must note a (D) at the bottom of each day to indicate whether or not he or she is planning to be home or bring a friend for dinner that night.
EVERYONE must pitch in
Laundry is never done and can, at times, be overwhelming if not kept up with. Whereas Bruce and I used to sit up late each night folding baby, toddler and children’s clothing and linens, now with six able-bodied people who have helped to create the tons of laundry that circulates our laundry room, those same people are required to participate in the washing, drying, folding and putting away that same laundry.
When our eldest girls went off to college, their habits of doing their own laundry loads began. So at age 18, each of the four older kids were carefully instructed in the finer skills of taking care of her and his own clothing. When the girls returned home, their responsibilities continue. Now Erin and Brandon have begun this task among their other college responsibilities. In addition to their clothing, they’re also responsible to changing and washing their own bedding and making their own beds. I, of course, will continue to take care of our youngest set’s laundry through their completion of high school.
Bath and kitchen towels, however, become part of the general laundry detail that Bruce and I maintain, but each of the six kids take turns folding and putting them away, which include pool/beach towels when the weather is warm. Each learned how to properly fold towels at age 8 or 9, and become proficient very quickly.
Our three daughters share a bathroom, and they are responsible for the care and upkeep of that bathroom. The only time that I clean their bathroom is prior to house guests’ arrival because that particular bathroom is the guest room next to Kathryn’s room, the guest room (the one kid room which contains a queen sized bed). As for the three boys’ bathroom, Brandon is required to keep their bathroom clean, a requirement not always filled. However, we keep “encouraging” the boys and the girls to keep their bathrooms clean. I make sure that our two additional downstairs bathrooms are maintained.
No maid service here
I don’t (well, I no longer) clean the kids’ rooms. Yes, I used to. Yes, I used to sit and spend entire Saturdays cleaning and reorganizing our children’s closets and dresser drawers every so often. For many years, our children’s rooms were under my control. I gave that up four years ago when I began going to school while working outside of our home full time. Not only did I believe that each kid had the full ability to take over this task and so should, I was just too tired and had too little time to continue this role. These days, each kiddo must keep his or her room cleaned up. If too many days go by without a cleaned up room, that kid or kids lose his or her room for 2 days and must sleep without the comfort and privacy of their room by sleeping in a sleeping bag on the loft floor. Then they must clean their room if they want it back.
Sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and overall tidying up is everyone’s responsibility. Kitchen clean up is shared equally and each person’s “daytime” and “nighttime” dishes duty is displayed right next to our whiteboard schedule.
The kitchen clean up duties roster is “written in stone” after it is agreed upon at the beginning of each school semester so that it aligns with each kid’s schedule. If one cannot clean the kitchen for some reason, it is that person’s responsibility to find a replacement or to make a trade. The only exception to this rule is if the scheduled person is ill or if it falls during final exams week. And by cleaning the kitchen, I mean the person on duty is to completely cleaning the kitchen, including unloading/loading the dishwasher, refrigerating leftover food, washing/drying the pots/pans, and putting away any cooking and cleaning items. The counters and table are wiped down, the floor is swept, and the lights are turned out. Anything less, and that person is brought back in to finish the job correctly.
Curfew, another MUST
My grandfather used to say: “As long as you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.” As a parent of older kids now, I can really understand the value and importance of his rule. When my girls were away at school, I really never knew when they got back to their dorm room or apartment. When they were in high school and started to drive or be driven by friends, I briefly used one of the phone apps that would track their locations. However, when they reached ages 17 and 18, it was time for me to let them know that I trusted them. Basically, no one ever gave us a reason not to trust, so we decided to slowly begin to give them more independence. Obviously, when the girls headed off to college out of town, we simply had to trust their judgment and allow them to make the same misjudgments/mistakes that we made when we went away to college. Keeping in touch via text, message and phone calls has been enough to keep us safely in touch.
However, each still lives under our roof today, and because we require that our home be safely secure by 1 am, that is the weekend curfew time, unless the event is special, for instance, prom night. If anyone will be a little bit late, he or she must text and let us know what’s going on. Once they’re home, they must please let us know, and to make sure that our home is locked up and secure.
I’m sure I’m not revealing any profound, unique or genius ideas for keeping a large family organized and responsible, but it’s what and how we do it. It’s never perfect, and there is often a conflict or issue to resolve, but hopefully this article has been helpful in some way to you!
With a large family, there are many aspects of “keeping it together” that need to be maintained on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. While I no longer insist that the entire house is in complete order as I once did before I had children, it is important to me to keep on top of the daily tasks and finances in order to keep our home and lives running as smoothly and as organized as possible. I’ve been asked on occasion if it’s possible to maintain an organized home with lots of kids. Honestly, some days don’t run as smoothly as I’d like, but for the most part, we all pitch in so that we all benefit from our team efforts.
7 Suggestions for Maintaining Controlled Chaos (well, most of the time):
Many share in the messing; many share in the cleaning.
1–Stay on top of daily chores: Keeping on top of the never-ending laundry, the ongoing kitchen tasks with meal prep and clean-up, keeping the pantry and refrigerator stocked with the meals for the week ingredients as well as basic staples, paying the bills and keeping control of the household budget simply are musts!But do I do it all on my own? Of course not!
2–Delegate: In our home, all of our kids each have a list of jobs to do around the house that are clearly posted in the kitchen for all to read and refer to (which, of course, they so appreciate being reminded about). Because two kids are 23 and two kids are now 18, and two are 10, each are required to take turns with dinner dishes and folding two large loads of laundry on alternating days in addition to their homework. Our 3 daughters are to keep their shared bathroom clean (not that they always do the perfect job at it) and to help take care of their younger brothers for me while I run errands. All are expected to keep their rooms in order as well as the upstairs loft which they all share to play games, computer work, homework and TV-watching.
3–Divide up tasks over several days: I try not to feel like it all has to be done everyday. I’ll spread my tasks out over a few days. For example, I’m content that the bathrooms get thorough cleanings on Mondays, vacuuming gets done on most Wednesdays, and dusting is saved for Thursdays, so that cleaning gets done once a week. The kitchen floor may not get completely mopped each day, but it requires sweeping and spot-washing several times a day.
4–Communicate/Post schedules: As for the children’s after-school activities and jobs, as schedules seem to constantly change, we communicate daily as to who needs to be where and when. A large weekly calendar is posted for all to see showing the newly college-graduated girls’ work schedules, the middle twins’ freshman college classes and job schedules as well as our youngest boys’ activities and cub scouts schedule. Bruce and I also keep everyone updated on our busy week schedule.
5–Be money-conscious: Many families with several children are tightly budgeted, which is no easy thing to do. While it can become a habit to place this or that on credit cards when there’s more month than money, it’s frighteningly simple for spending to get out of hand. Before you know it, you’re in deep debt! Our motto is: if we don’t have the cash for it, we don’t buy it. I plan out the dinners for a sometimes a week (or at least 3 days out) and stick to those ingredients so that I’m not tempted to buy lots of extras. I take advantage of sales, coupons and on occasion shop at second-hand stores for kids play clothing, etc. I believe that living this way is teaching our children to appreciate what we have and to respect the costs of daily life.
6–Take care of yourself: When the busy day full of jobs, home care and shuttling is over, find an outlet to relax. It’s important not to be hard on yourself when things don’t run as smoothly as you wish, so cut yourself some slack. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s what’s important! Exercise! I actually exercise in the evenings, followed by a hot shower or relaxing bath. The stress relief from endorphin release during physical activity, followed by the hormone oxytocin that the body releases while being soothed in warm water is the perfect prescription for relaxation!
Additional Stress Reducers: Go out and meet a friend for coffee and dessert or a movie, or go to a movie all by yourself and get immersed in a good love story or comedy. After having the chance to take a break, you’ll be a much happier wife and mom! 🙂
7–Go on a date with your husband! Get out once a week or so, just the two of you.Reconnecting often as a couple is VITAL to the longevity, renewal and healthiness of your marriage!
A huge relaxation source for me is to hang out with my musician friends … either as upcoming performance rehearsals or just to jam. Each week one music venue we frequently visit allows for local musicians and singers to get up and perform, and my husband and I LOVE being surrounded by these wonderful friends who have blessed our lives.
So here’s a good question: What is our ultimate goal as moms?
Is it to raise our children to become self-sufficient, independent, life-skilled, confident, responsible adults? They’re watching you live your life and handle the day-to-day challenges, and learning by watching your responses to the good and the bad. Too much pressure? Take a deep breath and relax because you don’t have to be perfect … no one can be.
People say to me all the time, “Fran, I don’t know how you do it!” And often I’ll answer, “Some days I do, and some days I don’t!” And that’s the truth … some days go as smoothly as a well-oiled machine, and other days seem to be fraught with a hundred little fires that need to be put out one by one, just like most families experience daily!
There’s no better training for our kids than to entrust them with chores, responsibilities, and expect no less than their best efforts in return for our trust, and in the process, we provide them with our unconditional love, support and encouragement (with doses of correction and redirection when needed!).
And, in choosing to raise our kids while being best examples we can be …
When the holidays and birthdays approach, it’s time to start shopping … again …
A gift for sharing, indeed!
When it comes to buying gifts for our twins, we’ve all had the experience (with toddlers and older) that when we give one item and encourage them to share, we hit the inevitable conflict. So, do we try to avoid the fighting and buy two items? Are the items different enough that they can be distinguished yet alike enough so each child knows that he or she is getting the same, equal treatment? For instance, we buy two Barbie dolls but two different styles of Barbie doll. Chances are, as it occurred with my twin girls, that one will still want the others doll, and trading doesn’t always solve the problem!
Alike, but different
So, do we resort to buying two of the exact same items in order to demonstrate equal treatment, and also to avoid conflict? Disappointingly, this isn’t always the perfect remedy either because one twin will just grab both dolls and run off with them, leaving the other screaming in protest and chasing her greedy twin!
When it comes down to it, we all want to assure our children that they are equally loved and equally treated. However, fairness and equality are not always attainable, and with further consideration, these treatments aren’t thingswe’ll always be able to count on in life, right? So, it’s fair to say that we should probably teach our children, twins and singletons alike, that sometimes every effort will be made so he or she will feel fairly treated, BUT, also be aware that this is not always possible and not always appropriate.
Still, don’t we hate the fighting?! Don’t we greatly dislike the reactions our children give us after we’ve gone to such great lengths to please them all? My husband and I try to instill in each of our children that they are blessed to receive ANYTHING! They are NOT entitled to anything beyond our parental responsibilities to provide for their needs, so anything they receive for birthdays or Christmas or any such occasion is a gift that should be deserved … and ultimately appreciated. If gifts are fought over, fought for, not appreciated or shown any such reaction … goodbye gift! Now that’s when the tears start … and earning the right to deserve said gift has to begin all over again!
Gift receiving is only half of the lesson. Each of my children, when they reached the age of five or so, were encouraged to participate in gift-giving as well. They could create a little crayon drawing for the birthday person or for their siblings and grandparents for Christmas, for example. In doing this little task, they would then experience the pride of seeing the happiness on the faces of their gift’s recipient and share in a little taste in the pure joy of giving. They would then begin to remark about how it was (almost) better than the gifts they received … (almost).
So, let’s discuss the topic of gift giving …
What are your best and most creative solutions for giving gifts to your twins and your other children who may be singletons?
How are you teaching them what gift-giving and gift-receiving is really all about?
