With a large family, there are many aspects of “keeping it together” that need to be maintained on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. While I no longer insist that the entire house is in complete order as I once did before I had children, it is important to me to keep on top of the daily tasks and finances in order to keep our home and lives running as smoothly and as organized as possible. I’ve been asked on occasion if it’s possible to maintain an organized home with lots of kids. Honestly, some days don’t run as smoothly as I’d like, but for the most part, we all pitch in so that we all benefit from our team efforts.
7 Suggestions for Maintaining Controlled Chaos (well, most of the time):
Many share in the messing; many share in the cleaning.
1– Stay on top of daily chores: Keeping on top of the never-ending laundry, the ongoing kitchen tasks with meal prep and clean-up, keeping the pantry and refrigerator stocked with the meals for the week ingredients as well as basic staples, paying the bills and keeping control of the household budget simply are musts! But do I do it all on my own? Of course not!
2– Delegate: In our home, all of our kids each have a list of jobs to do around the house that are clearly posted in the kitchen for all to read and refer to (which, of course, they so appreciate being reminded about). Because two kids are 23 and two kids are now 18, and two are 10, each are required to take turns with dinner dishes and folding two large loads of laundry on alternating days in addition to their homework. Our 3 daughters are to keep their shared bathroom clean (not that they always do the perfect job at it) and to help take care of their younger brothers for me while I run errands. All are expected to keep their rooms in order as well as the upstairs loft which they all share to play games, computer work, homework and TV-watching.
3– Divide up tasks over several days: I try not to feel like it all has to be done everyday. I’ll spread my tasks out over a few days. For example, I’m content that the bathrooms get thorough cleanings on Mondays, vacuuming gets done on most Wednesdays, and dusting is saved for Thursdays, so that cleaning gets done once a week. The kitchen floor may not get completely mopped each day, but it requires sweeping and spot-washing several times a day.
4– Communicate/Post schedules: As for the children’s after-school activities and jobs, as schedules seem to constantly change, we communicate daily as to who needs to be where and when. A large weekly calendar is posted for all to see showing the newly college-graduated girls’ work schedules, the middle twins’ freshman college classes and job schedules as well as our youngest boys’ activities and cub scouts schedule. Bruce and I also keep everyone updated on our busy week schedule.
5– Be money-conscious: Many families with several children are tightly budgeted, which is no easy thing to do. While it can become a habit to place this or that on credit cards when there’s more month than money, it’s frighteningly simple for spending to get out of hand. Before you know it, you’re in deep debt! Our motto is: if we don’t have the cash for it, we don’t buy it. I plan out the dinners for a sometimes a week (or at least 3 days out) and stick to those ingredients so that I’m not tempted to buy lots of extras. I take advantage of sales, coupons and on occasion shop at second-hand stores for kids play clothing, etc. I believe that living this way is teaching our children to appreciate what we have and to respect the costs of daily life. 
6– Take care of yourself: When the busy day full of jobs, home care and shuttling is over, find an outlet to relax. It’s important not to be hard on yourself when things don’t run as smoothly as you wish, so cut yourself some slack. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s what’s important! Exercise! I actually exercise in the evenings, followed by a hot shower or relaxing bath. The stress relief from endorphin release during physical activity, followed by the hormone oxytocin that the body releases while being soothed in warm water is the perfect prescription for relaxation!
Additional Stress Reducers: Go out and meet a friend for coffee and dessert or a movie, or go to a movie all by yourself and get immersed in a good love story or comedy. After having the chance to take a break, you’ll be a much happier wife and mom! 🙂
7– Go on a date with your husband! Get out once a week or so, just the two of you. Reconnecting often as a couple is VITAL to the longevity, renewal and healthiness of your marriage!
A huge relaxation source for me is to hang out with my musician friends … either as upcoming performance rehearsals or just to jam. Each week one music venue we frequently visit allows for local musicians and singers to get up and perform, and my husband and I LOVE being surrounded by these wonderful friends who have blessed our lives.
So here’s a good question: What is our ultimate goal as moms?
Is it to raise our children to become self-sufficient, independent, life-skilled, confident, responsible adults? They’re watching you live your life and handle the day-to-day challenges, and learning by watching your responses to the good and the bad. Too much pressure? Take a deep breath and relax because you don’t have to be perfect … no one can be.
People say to me all the time, “Fran, I don’t know how you do it!” And often I’ll answer, “Some days I do, and some days I don’t!” And that’s the truth … some days go as smoothly as a well-oiled machine, and other days seem to be fraught with a hundred little fires that need to be put out one by one, just like most families experience daily!
There’s no better training for our kids than to entrust them with chores, responsibilities, and expect no less than their best efforts in return for our trust, and in the process, we provide them with our unconditional love, support and encouragement (with doses of correction and redirection when needed!).
And, in choosing to raise our kids while being best examples we can be …
We ARE SUPER MOMS after all!
