Quarantine 2020: Our “Temporary Normal”

We’ve all had to readjust to the “temporary normal” way of life these days during the global pandemic that has touched each one of us, and it’s been a challenge!

As moms, so many things are on our minds right now: the health of our spouse/partner and of our children … and of ourselves. How can I best protect my children from this health-threatening virus? What if I or my partner get sick … who will take care of our children? How long will I be out of work?

We’re blessed that my husband was able to transition to working completely from home, and it’s working out fine for him. I had to leave my job at the medical spa where I worked as a medical massage therapist as well as a nutrition/weight loss consultant, so my income completely stopped as so many of yours has. My musical group’s last performance was held on March 15th, to a pretty small audience because social distancing was just kicking in. The following week saw the big changes.

Our college kids pretty seamlessly transitioned from on-campus to all online classes, and my 5th and 6th graders are now attending school via virtual education. I don’t know how Microsoft Teams isn’t crashing more with all the overload its taken on.

All is working out, and so far, we’re all staying well. We’re complying to the appeal to stay home and stay safe. Although we’re all plugging along in this temporary way of life, there’s still an underlying element of stress and worry.

In the search of stress-managing and stay-at-home idea resources for our family, I came across some great info that I’d like to share with you, my readers.

The following article has been helpful to us, and I hope you find some helpful ideas for your family as well:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Positive-Parenting-and-COVID-19_10-Tips.aspx

Another interesting article:
https://parade.com/1009774/stephanieosmanski/things-to-do-with-kids-during-coronavirus-quarantine/

I especially love that you can visit the Cincinnati Zoo virtually each day via their facebook page at 3pm (CT)! Number 26 (Face-timing family) is sooooo important for everyone! We use ZOOM and it works really well!

Last Saturday, my husband took our 12-year-old boys out into our driveway to work on last year’s Webelo scout’s birdhouse/feeders they had made. Now the job was to complete them, hang them and fill them with bird seed to attract the gorgeous cardinals and other birds in our yard.

I love our newly-hanging birdhouses … now to see how long it takes the squirrels to know they’re here!

Parents, we’ll all get through this, I have no doubt. It’s really hard isolating from our friends, co-workers and extended family. It’s so hard not having our 2 older girls with us as they have been quarantining away from us. And while we focus on the care of our families, keep our homes clean and cook what feels like our 478th dinner this month, remember to take care of YOU, too! Some close friends of mine have arranged a get-together via ZOOM each Friday night where we sip some wine, laugh and catch up with each other. Talk about a STRESS RELEASER! Here’s a pic of our last group visit.

That’s me on the left with my phone taking our pic … I guess I could have screen-shot the session LOL!

Everyone stay home for now, stay safe, keep the faith and we will soon be back into life. For now, let’s take this unique opportunity to slow down, focus on our families, appreciate each other and our blessings, and stay healthy!

Coming Soon: TWINS x3 on AUDIOBOOK

I’m in the process of narrating my book, TWINS x3 10-Year Anniversary Edition with the assistance of my music co-writer Kenny Levine in his recording studio where we record our music. With the further assistance and expertise of music industry performing artist and promotional expert Jeff Ganz as editor and producer, the audio book will be released in Spring 2020! Stay tuned!

A fun talk with Elizabeth Guarino of The Best Ever You Show

Thank you Elizabeth Guarino for inviting me to chat with you on your amazing show!

CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO THE FUN WE HAD!

Out of the Mouths of Babes …

What did my kid just say?!

We all have that one child that sees something and must comment about it, no matter how much we internally pray that he won’t notice it, and heaven forbid actually SAY something out loud about it. Then it happens, and we’re absolutely FLOORED … our heart rate increases, we start to sweat, we desperately try to cough, distract, or just grab our kid and run away as fast as we can ….

I’ve been cursed …

It’s probably cosmic pay-back or the curse your mom puts on you that she “hopes you have a child just like you one day”. I’m here to day that the curse does work, it does exist.

When I was a small child I would point out everything I noticed and stated everything I thought about. My mother often tells the story of the time our family greeted our pastor after mass one Sunday when I was about five years old, and I reached up and said, “Were we good in church Mommy, or are you gonna beat us again?” Now, my parents may have given us bottom spankings when we deserved them, but we were never BEATEN. My mother was mortified! Today, DCF may be notified …

Another time, a elderly man who was a family friend came to dinner. This gentleman had a rather large mole on his nose. My mother made a point of NOT SEATING HIM NEXT TO ME at the dinner table specifically due to my tendencies to verbally-observe. However, after asking if I could sit next to him, the gentleman said, “why of course you can!” To this my mother inwardly groaned. Sure enough, during dinner I noticed the mole, and my mother noticed that I noticed the mole. As I began to furrow my eyebrows and to slowly reach up my little index finger to verbally observe, my mom suddenly jumped up and shouted, “DESSERT ANYONE!!??”

To the check out boy: I hope he didn’t scar you for life …

And so the tradition has continued with my own children.

While standing at the grocery store check-out counter with my then 5-year-old boy/girl set of twins, I couldn’t help but notice the male, teenage check out clerk’s unfortunate prevalent case of full-facial acne. I began to repeatedly inner chant to myself, “please don’t let Brandon say anything to this young man”. But within only seconds, my sweet, compassionate son emphatically announced to this young man, “It’s okay, I had chicken pox really bad on my face, too! Don’t worry, your mommy can give you an oatmeal bath and put some lotion all over your body to make you feel better!

I’ll bet you’re glad you asked …

When I was walking out of our local library with two 12-year-olds, two 7-year-olds and a double stroller carrying two infants, an older woman who was approaching the door to enter, stepped aside and allowed our parade to exit the building. I thanked her for her patience, and she replied, “Are those all your children?”  When I replied that they were, she then stated, “Wow, I’m glad it’s you, and not me,” … to which my 7-year-old daughter responded, “we’re glad it’s not you, too!”

The above article was submitted to Parents.com on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “the most embarrassing/funny things their child has said out loud”.

One more tidbit (shared by one of my Instagram followers)

The one that stands out for me: Standing in line in a VERY CROWDED post office holding the baby also with a toddler and a 5yo who, at the moment, was rubbing my leg. Then she shouted for ALL to hear “Momma, you’re not wearing any underwear!” Mortified I then proceeded to show everyone that I WAS INDEED wearing underwear! 😱😂😂

Becoming a SAHM … is it right for you?

For my husband and me, deciding whether or not I would leave the onsite workforce when our first set of twins arrived wasn’t tough for us. Placing two newborns in daycare would have been very expensive, so we decided to accept and compensate for our temporary reduction in income. As challenging as it was in the early days while staying home with infants twins, the lack of stress that would have been involved with providing a daycare sitter enough pumped breast milk, diapers, clothing, etc., for two babies while I went to work just to pump milk far outweighed any income we would have kept after paying the monthly daycare bill.

I was happy with my decision, and I’ll never regret having stayed home with my children while they were preschool aged. Although my income would have prevented some financial strains over the years, I would have regretted missing out on my children’s early lives which already flew by too quickly. By the time we had six kids between the ages of 0 and 12, my taking care of our busy children just made sense.

I was fortunate that my career skills as a graphic designer provided me the ability to work from home while I was a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). When my eldest set of twins were six months old, I began to provide freelance design and production services for the office department where I had previously held a full-time position. I simply worked on a per-project basis via remote access, and with the arrivals of twin sets two and three, I eventually operated my own part-time design business from my home office. It wasn’t easy balancing my family and professional life, but doing so gave us some needed supplemental income, and I could stay current in my field’s ever changing technology.

There are ever-growing opportunities these days to allow a SAHM to become a WAHM should she choose to do so.

There were, and will probably always be, those who criticize a mother’s decision to continue working outside of the home and criticize those who leave the workforce to stay at home with her children, so parents simply have to decide what feels right and makes the most sense for their own family.

The above article was submitted to What To Expect on 3/6/19 for story contributions of “What factors should be considered before a woman decides to be a SAHM?”

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Do your kids behave better for others than they do with you?

Children behaving badly

While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered.  “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”

I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
       

As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
       

Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
       

Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.

The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”

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Parenting over the years … how much has it changed?

Parenting over the years … much has changed and much has remained the same.

Now that I’ve been a parent for 24 years, I believe that some aspects have remained constant while others have evolved over the years. My initial thought when reading the title of this article was that technology, and its subcategory social media, have caused the biggest changes for me. Where, as moms, we would call our own mothers or other close, trusted family members for advice concerning pregnancy, diaper rash, preschool, and preparing for prom, we commonly today jump on our social media sites and poll our “friends” for advice or to simply observe how other moms address these concerns. While this approach to support and information may be quick and convenient, the other side of the coin often reveals conflict, disagreement and judgment, leading us to regret putting our private lives out there for scrutiny. In addition to providing a source of information and support, social media has also become a spotlight for some of us as we raise our children year to year. If parenting isn’t stressful enough, we have put added pressure on ourselves to present our families as “perfect”. And should we put our challenges and shortcomings out for all to view, we are oftentimes asking for criticism and for advice that we may really not be asking for at all.

So how parenting has changed for me is with the ever moving progression of technology, and I believe that this applies to all generations prior to mine and to all those in the future. What has not changed, I firmly believe, is our deep, primal desire to protect, care for, nurture, support and unconditionally love our children as we prepare to send them off into this technologically ever-changing world.


The above article was submitted to FamilyMinded.com on 2/7/19 for story contributions of “Things that have changed in parenthood and parenting over the years”.

Chores! Everybody pitches in.

In a family as large as ours, it’s vital that each member pulls his or her own weight from an early age if we’re all to maintain sanity in our household. As early as toddlerhood, each child was taught how to put his toys in the toy boxes before bed time and to bring her dirty laundry to our laundry room baskets. Preschool children learned how to fold dish towels and bath towels (because there are ALWAYS clean baskets of those waiting to be folded), as well as removing and remaking bed sheets each week. I used to do it all myself, but in time I learned that in allowing them to do it themselves, despite the crooked sheets, they improved with practice!

If you contribute to the mess-making, you’re gonna contribute to the clean-up

As each child grows, more responsibilities are given. After arriving home from school, there is no snack or play time until all backpacks are emptied, homework is placed on our dining room table to be done, and lunchboxes are put where they belong.
       Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

The above article was submitted to the Epoch Times on 2/20/19 for story contributions of “Do you encouraging your children to participate in household duties?”

Our Best Attempt at Organization

“Fran, how in the world do you stay organized in your house with young adults, teenagers and eleven-year-olds all constantly going in different directions?” I was asked this question recently. To answer her question, I had to stop and think because it really wasn’t an event that happened overnight, but rather a progression of trials and errors that eventually became law in our home because of a need to maintain sanity and some level of order.

When the kids were all much younger, we had very busy schedules to keep on top of, but back then, I had more knowledge and dare-I-say “control” over what everyone did, where they went, and when. I just had to keep myself organized, I suppose.

Today, we have two 24-year-olds who still, although for not much longer, live at home. We also have two 19-year-olds who are also home and currently attending local universities to save lots of money by commuting to school as opposed to having housing and meal plans as part of their college semester costs. Our older girls went to out-of-town universities for a year or so each, and it had cost seriously $$$! They both transferred from different schools to different local schools eventually so they could save money while completing their degrees. And with our youngest boys being eleven years old, they’re a bit easier still.

Actual photo of my family coming and going. (Just kidding: photo credit https://www.geofflawrence.com/motion_blur.html

So, while we have a blur of people coming and going constantly, we have lots of chores to be kept up with, and we do not have a hired cleaning service.

Each member of our large family has to pull his or her weight, which means each must pitch in with cleaning, laundry, kitchen duty, etc.

And with six drivers and four vehicles, we have to sacrifice, compromise and get creative while sharing cars.

Knowing each other’s schedules is a MUST

For practical and safety reasons, it’s imperative that I know where everyone is and what each has planned during the upcoming week. We started with a tear-off calendar, but then moved on to a reusable, erasable white board.

Because each night needs an evening meal, I insist that each of the older kids communicate their evening plans so that I don’t cook for eight and have four or ten show up for dinner. In addition to each person’s work/ school/social schedule, they must note a (D) at the bottom of each day to indicate whether or not he or she is planning to be home or bring a friend for dinner that night.

EVERYONE must pitch in

Laundry is never done and can, at times, be overwhelming if not kept up with. Whereas Bruce and I used to sit up late each night folding baby, toddler and children’s clothing and linens, now with six able-bodied people who have helped to create the tons of laundry that circulates our laundry room, those same people are required to participate in the washing, drying, folding and putting away that same laundry.

When our eldest girls went off to college, their habits of doing their own laundry loads began. So at age 18, each of the four older kids were carefully instructed in the finer skills of taking care of her and his own clothing. When the girls returned home, their responsibilities continue. Now Erin and Brandon have begun this task among their other college responsibilities. In addition to their clothing, they’re also responsible to changing and washing their own bedding and making their own beds. I, of course, will continue to take care of our youngest set’s laundry through their completion of high school.

Bath and kitchen towels, however, become part of the general laundry detail that Bruce and I maintain, but each of the six kids take turns folding and putting them away, which include pool/beach towels when the weather is warm. Each learned how to properly fold towels at age 8 or 9, and become proficient very quickly.

Our three daughters share a bathroom, and they are responsible for the care and upkeep of that bathroom. The only time that I clean their bathroom is prior to house guests’ arrival because that particular bathroom is the guest room next to Kathryn’s room, the guest room (the one kid room which contains a queen sized bed). As for the three boys’ bathroom, Brandon is required to keep their bathroom clean, a requirement not always filled. However, we keep “encouraging” the boys and the girls to keep their bathrooms clean. I make sure that our two additional downstairs bathrooms are maintained.

No maid service here

I don’t (well, I no longer) clean the kids’ rooms. Yes, I used to. Yes, I used to sit and spend entire Saturdays cleaning and reorganizing our children’s closets and dresser drawers every so often. For many years, our children’s rooms were under my control. I gave that up four years ago when I began going to school while working outside of our home full time. Not only did I believe that each kid had the full ability to take over this task and so should, I was just too tired and had too little time to continue this role. These days, each kiddo must keep his or her room cleaned up. If too many days go by without a cleaned up room, that kid or kids lose his or her room for 2 days and must sleep without the comfort and privacy of their room by sleeping in a sleeping bag on the loft floor. Then they must clean their room if they want it back.

Sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and overall tidying up is everyone’s responsibility. Kitchen clean up is shared equally and each person’s “daytime” and “nighttime” dishes duty is displayed right next to our whiteboard schedule.

The kitchen clean up duties roster is “written in stone” after it is agreed upon at the beginning of each school semester so that it aligns with each kid’s schedule. If one cannot clean the kitchen for some reason, it is that person’s responsibility to find a replacement or to make a trade. The only exception to this rule is if the scheduled person is ill or if it falls during final exams week. And by cleaning the kitchen, I mean the person on duty is to completely cleaning the kitchen, including unloading/loading the dishwasher, refrigerating leftover food, washing/drying the pots/pans, and putting away any cooking and cleaning items. The counters and table are wiped down, the floor is swept, and the lights are turned out. Anything less, and that person is brought back in to finish the job correctly.

Curfew, another MUST

My grandfather used to say: “As long as you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.” As a parent of older kids now, I can really understand the value and importance of his rule. When my girls were away at school, I really never knew when they got back to their dorm room or apartment. When they were in high school and started to drive or be driven by friends, I briefly used one of the phone apps that would track their locations. However, when they reached ages 17 and 18, it was time for me to let them know that I trusted them. Basically, no one ever gave us a reason not to trust, so we decided to slowly begin to give them more independence. Obviously, when the girls headed off to college out of town, we simply had to trust their judgment and allow them to make the same misjudgments/mistakes that we made when we went away to college. Keeping in touch via text, message and phone calls has been enough to keep us safely in touch.

However, each still lives under our roof today, and because we require that our home be safely secure by 1 am, that is the weekend curfew time, unless the event is special, for instance, prom night. If anyone will be a little bit late, he or she must text and let us know what’s going on. Once they’re home, they must please let us know, and to make sure that our home is locked up and secure.

I’m sure I’m not revealing any profound, unique or genius ideas for keeping a large family organized and responsible, but it’s what and how we do it. It’s never perfect, and there is often a conflict or issue to resolve, but hopefully this article has been helpful in some way to you!

Blessings ~