Category Archives: Living the multiples mom life

Covid-19 Has Entered Our Home Part 2

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Update on my son Brandon

Tuesday: It’s been one week since his symptoms began and Brandon has not had a good day. He’s frequently nauseous and his lack of appetite leaves everything I prepare for him only slightly touched. His is, however, staying hydrated, as I insist. He has lung discomfort, tightness, throat pain and coughing. He feels weak, unsteady, and very tired. His sensitivity to cold has been challenging since the other three kids are hot if the A/C setting is raised upstairs, especially at night. I’ve encouraged him to close his room’s air vent and to open his window to let in fresh, warm summer air. He and my friend Mark have been texting back and forth, and I’m so grateful for that connection. Although they both feel cruddy, they have vented to each other here and there, and compare symptoms with each other. As for sources of comfort: He has reported to me that he feels a direct correlation between drinking “fizzy-tab water” and feeling better. He’s referring to the molecular hydrogen dissolving tablets that I’ve been giving him once a day. It does really seem to help! I have coached the benefits of this product to my clients, and I believe in its benefits from my personal experience, so I’m so glad that this product is helping my son through his recovery.

Wednesday: When I asked him how he was feeling today, he answered that he’d slept pretty well, but was still tired. He still has been experiencing body aches and weird chills, despite his temperature not exceeding 98-99 degrees. He continued to sleep much of the day. He has expressed that his anxiety level, however, has dropped and that he feels much more relaxed. Thank goodness!

Gratitude

And speaking of thanking, I want to focus now on being grateful for the blessings that always bubble up during the struggles in our lives, as they have now … for the continuing miracles and silver linings revealed in the midst of our stormy weather.

The response to my previous blog article has been overwhelmingly positive and supportive. Thank you, everyone, from the depths of my heart. It’s always apparent through the many crises we experience in our lives, that we just have to look for the helpers, those angels who God sends us when we need them. I’ve also received warm responses of love, prayers and support from all of our friends and family with phone calls and text messages. Friends two doors down dropped off a large bowl of Filipino Pancit a few days ago because they know we (and especially Brandon) love it! One of my closest friends will be bringing us a full dinner tonight of baked spaghetti, salad, garlic bread and, oh, chocolate cake. I’ve instructed all meal-deliverers to drop and run since up to this point, we had not received our test results yet. Thank you everyone!

I sat on our back patio and reached back out via fb messenger to the bassist, Mark, who has been texting Brandon. I told him that I simply couldn’t adequately express my gratitude for his time and his efforts. I told him that I was sorry that he’s been going through this, too, and that we all have him and his family in our prayers. I told him that he has been a true example of a storm cloud’s silver lining. I’d hoped that my expression of appreciation would help to lift and comfort him, as well. I later read his fb post where he wrote that he’d been texting the 20-yr-old son of a local fellow musician, and that he was happy that he could help encourage someone else going through this.

Slow test results, but finally …

Brandon had received his COVID-19 test results in 2 days. It has been 5 days since the rest of us had our tests administered. It’s clear that the increased demands for tests have slowed the processing and result-reporting time. I took a chance and called the center where we had tested, and the tech that answered actually looked up our results in his system. After I provided him with correct privacy information, he relayed to me that Sean, Benjamin and myself all tested NEGATIVE. Phew. At least we knew now that we were not exposed from the same source that infected Brandon, and that we were not able to expose others back before Brandon had tested positive, nor when his symptoms were early. This status, of course, could change. We’ll only know in time if we haven’t contracted it FROM Brandon. I pray that our negative status remains that way.

Erin is over 18 and I was not able to receive her results. She called the center herself and was told her results were not back yet. Bruce was tested elsewhere and is also awaiting his results.

Thursday (today): Aside from the times that I sit in our upstairs loft along the wall about 8 feet away from Brandon’s bedroom door and chat with him as he sits at the end of his bed or walks near his ajar doorway, we communicate via phone (voice and text). I texted him a couple of times this morning to ask if he had any appetite and would like to eat, but he didn’t respond. After a bit, I went upstairs and knocked, backed up, and waited. He opened his door to say that he just hadn’t slept well last night, but had slept well this morning. And yes, he would like to try to eat.

He’s been quiet today. I’m leaving him to rest. Although I’m aware that this illness can last 3-6 weeks, as I learned from our pediatrician’s nurse that I brain-picked yesterday for 45 minutes, I believe in my heart that Brandon will be ok. He will muscle his way through this. He’s young and strong. I also know that having a good day on Monday may mean a rough day on Tuesday. Both Brandon and Mark have reported this fact to me.

Mother Bear

The mother bear was born in me the moment I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. She’s been there, ready to reveal her claws should anything threaten the well being of any of my children. I understand the instinctively fierce need for mothers to protect their children.

I felt the bear begin to waken inside me when this virus first made headlines, when it entered our country, our state, our county, our part of town. My anxious need to do everything in my power to protect my family became a primal focus of mine. And when my son became ill, the bear became fully awake and emerged … clearly, strongly and without question. Not only was my child sick, but the remaining children living in our home were now threatened. For the very first time since our older girls moved out, I was glad that they didn’t live here. However, would my other children get sick with this potentially life-threatening illness, too? My claws would like nothing more than to shred to pieces the forces responsible for the creation and unleashing of this scourge.

Ok, I won’t go on and on here … most people reading this understand what I’m talking about.

Before receiving our COVID-19 tests results yesterday, we’d been waiting and waiting to find out the status of the remaining five of us. I realize that the testing sites’ staff members have been inundated and overworked with this recent spike in local cases, but, since we notified people in our lives that Brandon was a positive case, we’ve been receiving concerned inquiries about our health. Of course, my mother has been wondering if our test results were back. Of course, Bruce’s coworkers have been inquiring as to our status, and many of them have gotten tested themselves.

But no one has been more pressing, more regularly and relentlessly inquiring than the “neighbor”. Remember her … the one I mentioned in my previous post? Although I assured her that as soon as I received our results, I would notify her, this assurance was not sufficient for her. She has felt the need to text me almost daily to find out if I’ve heard. No one could be more frustrated than me with the slow response in test results notification, but this person was beginning to drive me insane. By this past Tuesday (2 days ago), already stressed beyond belief, I replied: “Hello, as I have already promised, I will let you know when I find out. The labs must be running behind due to the increase in tests. Please know that I sincerely hope that you and your family aren’t impacted by this virus, but if you are at some point, I also sincerely hope that no one causes you to feel as repulsive, feared, and pressured as we have been made to feel.”

Always preferring to take the high road, however, I then texted, “May I call you?” A few minutes later, we were speaking (with voices) on the phone. I introduced myself to her, and we began to carry on a decent, amiable conversation. I explained that I understood her concern that her children may have been exposed to this virus unknowingly by my two young sons back before we knew Brandon was ill. She assured me that she was also concerned for our family. In my mind, I thought, how can you be? You don’t even know us. We hung up after I told her that, again, I would let her know as soon as we were notified of the results.

On Wednesday late afternoon, less than a minute after I’d hung up with the testing center with our results, I received another text from “neighbor”. My screen read: “Any results yet? My parents want to stop by and visit, but we don’t want them near our children until we know if Sean or Ben exposed them, so please get back to me as soon as possible!”

AAAAGGGHHHH!!! I replied: “15 second ago, I learned that the boys and I tested negative.” Her response: “Wonderful! Now you can concentrate on your son’s recovery. Let me know if you need anything!”

I wanted to reply: “Thank you, because if I ever need further harassment, I certainly know who to call!”. But I didn’t. I decided instead just to leave her on read.

My advice to everyone reading this: We are ALL concerned about our families. All moms have internal mother bears. However, please learn the following from my experience: It is never okay to hound and harass another stressed-out worried mom under the guise of concern for her family when clearly the motive is purely self-centered.Trust that she will get back to you as she agreed, show some tact, sensitivity, genuine care … and leave her and her family alone.

Enough about that.

Well, we still don’t have Erin’s or Bruce’s test results. And again, these were tests taken last week. Things can change. This crisis is far from over, and will probably impact every family at some point, to some extent, before it’s a terrible thing of the past. My heart breaks for all who are suffering from this or from its effects.

My daughter and her fiancé were engaged over a year, announced their wedding date this past Christmas, and have been planning their wedding out of town. The wedding is to be in September. They have been trying to continue on as planned, but now are not sure whether to postpone or not. For now, she is simply overwhelmed and a bit heartbroken that her wedding plans have been so overshadowed by this insidious virus.

However, as I’ve encouraged my daughter, we must stay positive, pray for guidance, and keep moving forward. Bruce continues to work hard from home every day; the boys are keeping occupied with legos, board/card games and online gaming with friends; Erin continues to hole up in her room staying busy with summer online college classwork until her test results come in; I continue to keep the house clean, prepare meals, write song lyrics and blog posts and play my keyboard; all while Brandon continues to heal and recover.

We pray without ceasing.

Until my next post, I’d like to leave my readers with this:

Angels are everywhere. God is everywhere. There is good everywhere, and good will win in the end. God is love and love never fails. One day we will look back and be grateful that we kept our heads high, our faith firm, and our attitudes positive. Love one another and accept the love and help of the angels in our lives when we need them, and then be the angels for others when they need us. Enjoy comfort food including chocolate cake. It’s as simple as that.

Oh, and please don’t harass anyone, ever, especially a stressed-out mother bear.

Update (6/28): Erin’s and Bruce’s test results arrived late yesterday. It took 8 days to receive these results.

And, not surprisingly, the consistent text messages of concern for our family abruptly ceased once I notified the neighbor that our youngest boys’ tests were negative.

Photo credits: 1– Cross hands over heart (messymarvelous.com), 2– Mother Bear (paulnicklen.com)

Covid-19 Has Entered Our Home

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What We Hoped Wouldn’t Happen, Happened

I know that the chances were pretty good when we, like most people, started easing out from behind the doors of our quarantined lives to test the waters “out there”. I was aware that one of us may contract this evil virus somehow, some way. Now, please understand that Bruce and I have been those parents … you know, the ones who didn’t allow our live-at-home college kids to work at their part time jobs at a smoothie restaurant past March 20th, even though it was a business that was considered “essential” and never closed. Our first set of twins, our eldest girls, both moved out last year, so our family home contains 6 of us right now, and we have all stayed home … we worked from home (jobs and school) for months, just like most people have. We have had one designated grocery-shopper: my husband Bruce.

Bruce and I decided during the last week of May to finally venture out … to brave and test the outside world beyond our local Publix. After much debate and consideration, we chose to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary by staying overnight in nearby St. Augustine, FL, while eating at two restaurants in the course of those 2 days. Phase 1 was in effect so restaurants were at 50% capacity. Mask-wearing wasn’t mandatory or enforced anywhere, but we made sure to wear them when necessary. It was actually quite comfortable having empty tables between each dining party. Well, the weekend get-away was a success, and in time we knew we had not come in contact with the virus.

Then phase 2 opening measures were put in place here in Floriday approximately three weeks ago (the 1st of June), and we reluctantly agreed to allowed Erin and Brandon to return to their part-time jobs at the same fast-food restaurant. The restaurant requires masks and gloves for all employees. Each of them has a significant other, and we finally allowed them to start spending time with them in person and not just via face-time.

Due to these changes, however, strict guidelines for those returning from the jungle were enforced: no shoes in the house; strip asap; start a hot water load of laundry; and take a hot shower.

I stepped up my already vigilant cleaning/disinfecting so that, in the event, the kids somehow managed to pick up THE GERM, I could kill it before it could sicken anyone.

While living this way, as we all have been, I’ve developed a sad perspective. I look around and see people masked and afraid. Dare I say we have become afraid of each other. The fear of this virus, and all of the gloom and doom we’ve been bombarded with these last few months have given us a subconscious (or conscious) attitude of repulsion toward people. Have you noticed it?

No, I won’t get into my political beliefs on the origin of and the reason for this virus’ world-wide outbreak, but most will agree that if something could cause us to eagerly and protectively comply with social distancing, to distrust and fear our neighbors and friends, this situation has certainly proven effective. Self-protection and self-preservation has been placed above all else.

Recently, Bruce began to return to his office 3 days a week, but needed to have his temperature checked at his office building’s front entrance, and all employees work spaces were sufficiently distanced from each other.

As for me, although I did not return to work as a health coach and manual therapist, I was looking forward to performing with my band. We had put on a virtual, live stream concert at the end of May, but could not wait to perform on stage again in front of a live audience, albeit small and socially-distanced). We have a performance at an outside venue near the beach scheduled for this coming Friday, 6/26. I’ve also recently resumed some music recording for my nearly-finished second music album, and other creative projects . We were slowly, carefully, reintroducing aspects of our lives.

Then came last Tuesday, June 16.

My son Brandon sent me a text message from his upstairs bedroom that I saw when I woke up around 7:30. “Mom, I am not feeling well, and I’m running a fever. I’m so sorry.” He then admitted that he’d kind of felt “off” the day before.

Oh NO. Without my knowledge, Brandon had driven himself downtown at 6am to receive a nasal swab test at the COVID19 testing center that has been set up in our football stadium’s parking lot. Because of the civil unrest that has been experienced downtown and in most other U.S. cities these last two weeks, he was turned away by the police and military groups attempting to maintain order and safety. Testing would resume later that day.

So he came home, and I then called our doctor’s office. We were directed to either return to the stadium later, go to any ER, or call and then go to a laboratory testing center (like LabCorp or Quest). He was turned away at both LabCorp and our closest ER, so he drove himself back downtown, sat for 3 hours in line while harboring a 102 degree temperature, and was finally tested. He would not receive results for 3-4 days.

Obviously not waiting for test results, we placed him in complete isolation, self-quarantined our family, and I cleaned our home like I’d never cleaned it before. I moved our younger twin boys to a room previously occupied by one of our older daughters so they were as far from Brandon as possible. Brandon’s twin, Erin, decided that she may have been exposed at work too, if that is where Brandon was exposed, so she is presently self-isolating in her bedroom, and wearing a mask if she ventures out to any other area of our home. Bruce contacted his boss and other coworkers, notifying them that he wouldn’t be back in the office or be able to attend any meetings for the time-being because of possible virus exposure.

I’ve been through many bouts of flu while parenting six children, and will tell you, that this has been no ordinary flu. It will be one week tomorrow since the onset of Brandon’s symptoms. The following is the how this virus has progressed:

Tuesday: In the middle of the night between Monday and Tuesday, he awoke feeling achy and “off”. By 5am he knew he had a fever. The thermometer registered nearly 101 degrees. As the day went on the body aches, headache and muscle stiffness worsened. By that night, his temp was 102 degrees.

Wednesday: He experienced an up-and-down fever all day. He took acetaminophen when it got too high, but we really wanted to annihilate this virus, and a fever is how to do it. By Wednesday evening, he began to report a scratchy throat and the beginnings of a cough. He had no appetite, but he pushed fluids. This is the day when he began to take increased vitamin C, D and zinc, some probiotics and a strong antioxidant molecular hydrogen dissolving tablet which is part of my health coaching dietary supplements.

Thursday: His fever seemed to be lowering and by that evening, his temperature was normal, but he still had chills, body aches and headache. I encouraged him to take a shower in the bathroom that only he’d been using since Tuesday morning. He had little appetite today, but I still encouraged nibbling. I went to the store, donned a mask and gloves, and bought his favorite snacks of Cheez-Its, honey-roasted peanuts, jello fruit cups and all his favorite fresh fruit.

On Thursday afternoon, I received a text message from Brandon again. This time it read: “Mom, I was just notified of my test results. It is positive. I’m sorry”. Although I fully expected it, I still felt a bowling ball hit me in the stomach.

I felt panicked. I felt terrified and crippled with fear. I can’t let Brandon or the other kids know that I am.

We have it. We have COVID-19 in our home. COVID-19 has made my son very ill. There are 3 other children and my husband living here, now exposed. Oh, and me, too. I spent the next 2 hours personally contacting our family, friends and our close-by neighbors. I contacted my band because I will not be performing next Friday. I won’t be continuing to record my album’s music. The kids and I were about to finalize a song they are recording with me.

At 8pm that evening I received a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. It read: “Hi Fran, I’m sorry to hear that your son is sick. My family and I live in the rental house near the end of this street. I got your number from another neighbor. Have you all been tested? You must get tested. Your two younger boys were outside last weekend and they may have exposed my child. All of us on this street feel the same way. There are many places where you can receive rapid results. You must do this immediately. In the meantime, because of your boys, we must all self-quarantine. Let me know AS SOON AS YOU HAVE TEST RESULTS.”

So, yeah. My first response was anger. But did I understand? Of course I did. I also understood that we were now considered the lepers of our neighborhood. Here we were, viewed with fear and probably disgust. After composing 3 different versions of text messages that I wanted to fire back with, I deleted them all and replied: “Thank you for your concern. Yes, we’re all being tested tomorrow, and I’ll let you know as soon as we have results.”

This is just the way I roll. I try very hard not to respond when I’m angry or feel indignant, or to what I perceive to be an insult. I would feel exactly the same way, but I probably would be a little less demanding. Maybe.

Mother bears show their claws at times like these. I know, because I would like to tear to pieces whomever caused this virus to be unleashed because it is now VERY PERSONAL … more personal than the inconveniences of lock-downs, of wearing masks, of lost income, of missing our friends and extended family. My family has been directly impacted. My child has been sickened. His life has been threatened. Our home has been invaded by a very dangerous enemy.

Everyone wants to know where he could have “picked it up”. We probably will never know. What I do know is that the number in positive cases have spiked considerably since Phase 2 was initiated. I completely supported the initiatives to re-open the economy and, well, life. It was time. I guess, also, that it was a matter of time before it directly impacted our family.

Friday: I spent several hours trying to make appointments for 5 people to receive COVID-19 tests. Unsuccessful in securing appointment before the following Wednesday, we finally we went up to a nearby urgent care facility and waited as walk-ins. Honestly, the wait wasn’t too bad and it was a good experience. While masked, were all evaluated, had our vitals checked, and received nasal swab tests within 2 hours. Our results would be expected in 4 days. Sigh.

Brandon seemed to want to eat a little bit by Friday evening. I made a chicken, spinach, Alfredo sauce with bow tie pasta dish that I know he loves. He thanked me and said how much he wished he could actually taste it. He has lost all sense of taste or smell.

He has been spending his waking hours playing video games, watching movies and chatting with his girlfriend. His girlfriend reported that 3 extended family member that have not been anywhere near her nor her parents have recently tested positive. Tragically, one of these people were her grandmother, who passed away last Tuesday having been in her mid-seventies and suffering with diabetes. Just unbelievable.

Saturday: Brandon started to experience significant respiratory discomfort. He complained of pain in his mid back and the sensation of his airway tightening. He continued to feel cold, and complained of chills despite a normal temperature.

I took a little bit of time after dinner to make Bruce a home made cheese cake for Father’s Day. It would chill in the fridge, and be ready after dinner on Sunday.

Brandon was now beginning to suffer increasing bouts of anxiety. He, naturally, has been reading everything online that he can find on this illness, and he’s scaring himself. I was awake with him throughout all of Saturday night, sitting on the floor in the hall down from his partially-opened bedroom door. He had panic attacks and was afraid that he was experiencing decreased circulation. I made him check his fingers and toes with the pinch test, and all looked normal. He complained next of loosing feeling in his hands and lower arms. Having some medical training and holding a healthcare practitioner’s license, I tried my best to assure him that his complexion looked healthy, that his energy level was encouraging, that his fingers and toes presented all signs of healthy circulation. He swore that his lips were turning blue, and I swore that I didn’t see it. However, I also was not experiencing first-hand what he was feeling. From what I’ve been reading and hearing myself, the symptoms he’s been experiencing seem to be par-for-the-course as far as this thing is concerned. I knew that if he didn’t spike a new fever (secondary infection, possibly pneumonia), or if he wasn’t having any difficulty breathing (shortness of breath), then his symptoms were not life-threatening and should be managed at home.

Sunday: However, by 6am, he convinced himself that he must go to the ER. Bruce and I tried to convince him that if he were lethargic, and had any inability to take deep, full breaths, we would share his concern. But his stress and his anxiety were now running the show. So he walked down the stairs, out our front door, and got into his car. I didn’t want Bruce riding in a car with him, and Bruce didn’t want me doing the same. So Brandon, full of anxious energy and focus, drove himself to the hospital. We insisted that he keep us posted constantly. Exhausted, I went to bed, but received each of his text messages each 15 minutes or so.

The triage nurse assessed him, and took his vitals. Aside from a slightly elevated heart rate and blood pressure, all checked out fine. His chest x-ray was clear and his pulse-oxygen reading was 100%. He drove home and went back to bed. He did, however, receive some peace-of-mind that his lungs weren’t full of fluid nor was his blood lacking oxygen.

Happy Father’s Day to Bruce

Although I’d chosen up to this point not to post all of this on Facebook, I have been reading some posts from a fellow musician here in town who I’d actually talked to last year about possibly playing bass for our band. When I realized that he and Brandon were in the same stage of this illness, both having started symptoms this past Tuesday, I reached out to Mark via messenger. Later that evening, he texted Brandon so that the two of them could connect and “compare notes” while commiserating. Mark, being a funny guy, also calmed Brandon down with his positive attitude. With Mark’s wife working as a nurse and having worked with COVID patients, he recommended that we purchase our own pulse-oximeter so Brandon could check his own blood-oxygen level, and to give Brandon 5-10 mg of melatonin each night so he can calm down and sleep better.

Monday (today): I gave Brandon 5mg of melatonin last evening, and although he was still up and anxious at 1am, he finally fell asleep, and didn’t wake until 11am. Today he is still experiencing chills and has a sore throat.

But, he wanted to eat today, saying he was hungry. I haven’t heard him use that word in a week. I’m praying (we all are) that he is beginning to improve.

So, my friends, this is serious. It is very serious. As for how it entered our home, it wasn’t for lack of mindfulness. We didn’t lack care. We took it serious, we took precautions. We may have even been overly-protective.

And yet, here we are.

We pray for our son, that he improves and recovers rapidly and completely. He’s young and healthy, so his prognosis is good. We also pray for everyone else going through this right now, for those struggling with this, and for those who have lost loved ones to this insidious, evil virus. We are also praying that this virus stops with Brandon and doesn’t spread throughout our family.

We have faith and we know that God has this.

Please be careful. I see online that there were so many large family gatherings celebrating Father’s Day. People are celebrating summer, celebrating each other, celebrating LIFE. I get it. I really do! But I don’t want people to get THIS, nor to keep spreading this. It’s not over …. it’s far from over. Please be careful. Don’t act irresponsibly. Don’t act foolishly.

Do I think we should all live our lives in masks? I wish there was another option. People wearing masks for extended amounts of time can cause their blood pressure to increase while their decreased oxygen intake can lead to hypoxia (under-oxygenated blood). We could be slowly suffocating ourselves. Infections due to over exposure of carbon dioxide we’re breathing in such as respiratory acidosis are developing. We’re all buying cute, decorative, washable masks (me, included), but if they’re not properly cleaned and dried after each use, we could be breathing in bacteria and developing serious infections. A young food-service employee recently was diagnosed with life-threatening pleurisy as a result of long-term mask-wearing. For people with asthma, like me, wearing a mask is absolutely brutal and I’ve come to realize that my symptoms increase after I’ve been wearing a mask for any amount of time.

For so many professions, however, it’s vital to stay as protected and protective as possible, especially when working in close proximity with others can’t be avoided. People must wear them for entire 8-12 hour shifts, or they lose their jobs. Some companies and business demand that patrons wear them or they cannot enter. Do we either get sick or we get sick? Is wearing a mask the lesser of two evils? It is, however, very important to protect others from exposure, if we have knowingly or unknowingly exposed or contagious.

As for healthcare professionals, masks are obviously mandatory and unavoidable. I can’t express how deeply thankful I am to those every one of these heros working on this war’s front lines. I pray for their safety every day.

There’s just no way around this, and I don’t have the perfect solution, but with common sense, time and faith, we’ll get through this.

We just all have to be patient, to be smart and to take care of ourselves, and those who we love.

Please check back! I’ll continue to update our story-in-the-making …

Photo credits: 1– Praying hands (beliefnet.com), 2– Image in woods (Fran Pitre, Pitre backyard)

A fun talk with Elizabeth Guarino of The Best Ever You Show

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Thank you Elizabeth Guarino for inviting me to chat with you on your amazing show!

CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO THE FUN WE HAD!

Out of the Mouths of Babes …

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What did my kid just say?!

We all have that one child that sees something and must comment about it, no matter how much we internally pray that he won’t notice it, and heaven forbid actually SAY something out loud about it. Then it happens, and we’re absolutely FLOORED … our heart rate increases, we start to sweat, we desperately try to cough, distract, or just grab our kid and run away as fast as we can ….

I’ve been cursed …

It’s probably cosmic pay-back or the curse your mom puts on you that she “hopes you have a child just like you one day”. I’m here to day that the curse does work, it does exist.

When I was a small child I would point out everything I noticed and stated everything I thought about. My mother often tells the story of the time our family greeted our pastor after mass one Sunday when I was about five years old, and I reached up and said, “Were we good in church Mommy, or are you gonna beat us again?” Now, my parents may have given us bottom spankings when we deserved them, but we were never BEATEN. My mother was mortified! Today, DCF may be notified …

Another time, a elderly man who was a family friend came to dinner. This gentleman had a rather large mole on his nose. My mother made a point of NOT SEATING HIM NEXT TO ME at the dinner table specifically due to my tendencies to verbally-observe. However, after asking if I could sit next to him, the gentleman said, “why of course you can!” To this my mother inwardly groaned. Sure enough, during dinner I noticed the mole, and my mother noticed that I noticed the mole. As I began to furrow my eyebrows and to slowly reach up my little index finger to verbally observe, my mom suddenly jumped up and shouted, “DESSERT ANYONE!!??”

To the check out boy: I hope he didn’t scar you for life …

And so the tradition has continued with my own children.

While standing at the grocery store check-out counter with my then 5-year-old boy/girl set of twins, I couldn’t help but notice the male, teenage check out clerk’s unfortunate prevalent case of full-facial acne. I began to repeatedly inner chant to myself, “please don’t let Brandon say anything to this young man”. But within only seconds, my sweet, compassionate son emphatically announced to this young man, “It’s okay, I had chicken pox really bad on my face, too! Don’t worry, your mommy can give you an oatmeal bath and put some lotion all over your body to make you feel better!

I’ll bet you’re glad you asked …

When I was walking out of our local library with two 12-year-olds, two 7-year-olds and a double stroller carrying two infants, an older woman who was approaching the door to enter, stepped aside and allowed our parade to exit the building. I thanked her for her patience, and she replied, “Are those all your children?”  When I replied that they were, she then stated, “Wow, I’m glad it’s you, and not me,” … to which my 7-year-old daughter responded, “we’re glad it’s not you, too!”

The above article was submitted to Parents.com on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “the most embarrassing/funny things their child has said out loud”.

One more tidbit (shared by one of my Instagram followers)

The one that stands out for me: Standing in line in a VERY CROWDED post office holding the baby also with a toddler and a 5yo who, at the moment, was rubbing my leg. Then she shouted for ALL to hear “Momma, you’re not wearing any underwear!” Mortified I then proceeded to show everyone that I WAS INDEED wearing underwear! 😱😂😂

Becoming a SAHM … is it right for you?

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For my husband and me, deciding whether or not I would leave the onsite workforce when our first set of twins arrived wasn’t tough for us. Placing two newborns in daycare would have been very expensive, so we decided to accept and compensate for our temporary reduction in income. As challenging as it was in the early days while staying home with infants twins, the lack of stress that would have been involved with providing a daycare sitter enough pumped breast milk, diapers, clothing, etc., for two babies while I went to work just to pump milk far outweighed any income we would have kept after paying the monthly daycare bill.

I was happy with my decision, and I’ll never regret having stayed home with my children while they were preschool aged. Although my income would have prevented some financial strains over the years, I would have regretted missing out on my children’s early lives which already flew by too quickly. By the time we had six kids between the ages of 0 and 12, my taking care of our busy children just made sense.

I was fortunate that my career skills as a graphic designer provided me the ability to work from home while I was a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). When my eldest set of twins were six months old, I began to provide freelance design and production services for the office department where I had previously held a full-time position. I simply worked on a per-project basis via remote access, and with the arrivals of twin sets two and three, I eventually operated my own part-time design business from my home office. It wasn’t easy balancing my family and professional life, but doing so gave us some needed supplemental income, and I could stay current in my field’s ever changing technology.

There are ever-growing opportunities these days to allow a SAHM to become a WAHM should she choose to do so.

There were, and will probably always be, those who criticize a mother’s decision to continue working outside of the home and criticize those who leave the workforce to stay at home with her children, so parents simply have to decide what feels right and makes the most sense for their own family.

The above article was submitted to What To Expect on 3/6/19 for story contributions of “What factors should be considered before a woman decides to be a SAHM?”

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Do your kids behave better for others than they do with you?

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Children behaving badly

While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered.  “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”

I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
       

As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
       

Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
       

Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.

The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”

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Chores! Everybody pitches in.

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In a family as large as ours, it’s vital that each member pulls his or her own weight from an early age if we’re all to maintain sanity in our household. As early as toddlerhood, each child was taught how to put his toys in the toy boxes before bed time and to bring her dirty laundry to our laundry room baskets. Preschool children learned how to fold dish towels and bath towels (because there are ALWAYS clean baskets of those waiting to be folded), as well as removing and remaking bed sheets each week. I used to do it all myself, but in time I learned that in allowing them to do it themselves, despite the crooked sheets, they improved with practice!

If you contribute to the mess-making, you’re gonna contribute to the clean-up

As each child grows, more responsibilities are given. After arriving home from school, there is no snack or play time until all backpacks are emptied, homework is placed on our dining room table to be done, and lunchboxes are put where they belong.
       Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

Our three girls share a bathroom and our three boys share another … and all are responsible to keep them clean … every. single. day. Our three boys share our garbage and recycling products duties which includes rolling out the bins for pick-up days. In turn, our three girls are responsible for sweeping/mopping our downstairs, high-traffic floors.
        By the age of 11 each began to share the kitchen clean-up duties as noted on a written chart on our kitchen bulletin board. Next to it is a large white board entitled “SCHEDULE” where each family member is required to mark his or her weekly schedule including school classes, after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and social activities. Updating this schedule chart is part of each child’s responsibilities because unmarked changes cause chaos!
        By the start of college, each of our children is required to take care of his or her own personal laundry, but must contribute to the towel/linen folding and putting-away duties.
        My husband and I were raised to contribute to our family chores, and I’ve noticed that over the years of strict compliance to our duty roster, each of our children has come to appreciate living in a fairly well-kept, well-running home.
        Do chores get neglected? Of course, occasionally, and is usually due to some unexpected conflict, or a teenager’s negative attitude, but our home continues to stand and run in a fairly smooth fashion.
        Today, our twin girls are now 24 (each will or has recently moved out), our middle set of boy/girl twins are 19, and our youngest set (boys) are now 11. Over all, our kids have learned how to juggle their home chores with schoolwork, jobs and social activities … all of which are good life lessons needed to bring them into responsible adult life, a reality that comes all too quickly!

The above article was submitted to the Epoch Times on 2/20/19 for story contributions of “Do you encouraging your children to participate in household duties?”

Our Best Attempt at Organization

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“Fran, how in the world do you stay organized in your house with young adults, teenagers and eleven-year-olds all constantly going in different directions?” I was asked this question recently. To answer her question, I had to stop and think because it really wasn’t an event that happened overnight, but rather a progression of trials and errors that eventually became law in our home because of a need to maintain sanity and some level of order.

When the kids were all much younger, we had very busy schedules to keep on top of, but back then, I had more knowledge and dare-I-say “control” over what everyone did, where they went, and when. I just had to keep myself organized, I suppose.

Today, we have two 24-year-olds who still, although for not much longer, live at home. We also have two 19-year-olds who are also home and currently attending local universities to save lots of money by commuting to school as opposed to having housing and meal plans as part of their college semester costs. Our older girls went to out-of-town universities for a year or so each, and it had cost seriously $$$! They both transferred from different schools to different local schools eventually so they could save money while completing their degrees. And with our youngest boys being eleven years old, they’re a bit easier still.

Actual photo of my family coming and going. (Just kidding: photo credit https://www.geofflawrence.com/motion_blur.html

So, while we have a blur of people coming and going constantly, we have lots of chores to be kept up with, and we do not have a hired cleaning service.

Each member of our large family has to pull his or her weight, which means each must pitch in with cleaning, laundry, kitchen duty, etc.

And with six drivers and four vehicles, we have to sacrifice, compromise and get creative while sharing cars.

Knowing each other’s schedules is a MUST

For practical and safety reasons, it’s imperative that I know where everyone is and what each has planned during the upcoming week. We started with a tear-off calendar, but then moved on to a reusable, erasable white board.

Because each night needs an evening meal, I insist that each of the older kids communicate their evening plans so that I don’t cook for eight and have four or ten show up for dinner. In addition to each person’s work/ school/social schedule, they must note a (D) at the bottom of each day to indicate whether or not he or she is planning to be home or bring a friend for dinner that night.

EVERYONE must pitch in

Laundry is never done and can, at times, be overwhelming if not kept up with. Whereas Bruce and I used to sit up late each night folding baby, toddler and children’s clothing and linens, now with six able-bodied people who have helped to create the tons of laundry that circulates our laundry room, those same people are required to participate in the washing, drying, folding and putting away that same laundry.

When our eldest girls went off to college, their habits of doing their own laundry loads began. So at age 18, each of the four older kids were carefully instructed in the finer skills of taking care of her and his own clothing. When the girls returned home, their responsibilities continue. Now Erin and Brandon have begun this task among their other college responsibilities. In addition to their clothing, they’re also responsible to changing and washing their own bedding and making their own beds. I, of course, will continue to take care of our youngest set’s laundry through their completion of high school.

Bath and kitchen towels, however, become part of the general laundry detail that Bruce and I maintain, but each of the six kids take turns folding and putting them away, which include pool/beach towels when the weather is warm. Each learned how to properly fold towels at age 8 or 9, and become proficient very quickly.

Our three daughters share a bathroom, and they are responsible for the care and upkeep of that bathroom. The only time that I clean their bathroom is prior to house guests’ arrival because that particular bathroom is the guest room next to Kathryn’s room, the guest room (the one kid room which contains a queen sized bed). As for the three boys’ bathroom, Brandon is required to keep their bathroom clean, a requirement not always filled. However, we keep “encouraging” the boys and the girls to keep their bathrooms clean. I make sure that our two additional downstairs bathrooms are maintained.

No maid service here

I don’t (well, I no longer) clean the kids’ rooms. Yes, I used to. Yes, I used to sit and spend entire Saturdays cleaning and reorganizing our children’s closets and dresser drawers every so often. For many years, our children’s rooms were under my control. I gave that up four years ago when I began going to school while working outside of our home full time. Not only did I believe that each kid had the full ability to take over this task and so should, I was just too tired and had too little time to continue this role. These days, each kiddo must keep his or her room cleaned up. If too many days go by without a cleaned up room, that kid or kids lose his or her room for 2 days and must sleep without the comfort and privacy of their room by sleeping in a sleeping bag on the loft floor. Then they must clean their room if they want it back.

Sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and overall tidying up is everyone’s responsibility. Kitchen clean up is shared equally and each person’s “daytime” and “nighttime” dishes duty is displayed right next to our whiteboard schedule.

The kitchen clean up duties roster is “written in stone” after it is agreed upon at the beginning of each school semester so that it aligns with each kid’s schedule. If one cannot clean the kitchen for some reason, it is that person’s responsibility to find a replacement or to make a trade. The only exception to this rule is if the scheduled person is ill or if it falls during final exams week. And by cleaning the kitchen, I mean the person on duty is to completely cleaning the kitchen, including unloading/loading the dishwasher, refrigerating leftover food, washing/drying the pots/pans, and putting away any cooking and cleaning items. The counters and table are wiped down, the floor is swept, and the lights are turned out. Anything less, and that person is brought back in to finish the job correctly.

Curfew, another MUST

My grandfather used to say: “As long as you are living under my roof, you will follow my rules.” As a parent of older kids now, I can really understand the value and importance of his rule. When my girls were away at school, I really never knew when they got back to their dorm room or apartment. When they were in high school and started to drive or be driven by friends, I briefly used one of the phone apps that would track their locations. However, when they reached ages 17 and 18, it was time for me to let them know that I trusted them. Basically, no one ever gave us a reason not to trust, so we decided to slowly begin to give them more independence. Obviously, when the girls headed off to college out of town, we simply had to trust their judgment and allow them to make the same misjudgments/mistakes that we made when we went away to college. Keeping in touch via text, message and phone calls has been enough to keep us safely in touch.

However, each still lives under our roof today, and because we require that our home be safely secure by 1 am, that is the weekend curfew time, unless the event is special, for instance, prom night. If anyone will be a little bit late, he or she must text and let us know what’s going on. Once they’re home, they must please let us know, and to make sure that our home is locked up and secure.

I’m sure I’m not revealing any profound, unique or genius ideas for keeping a large family organized and responsible, but it’s what and how we do it. It’s never perfect, and there is often a conflict or issue to resolve, but hopefully this article has been helpful in some way to you!

Blessings ~

 

 

 

When It’s Time for a Change (and I’m not talking about your baby’s wet diaper)

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“Fran, how and why do you do all that you do?” Here is a question I get a lot. So let me go back to the beginning and explain how I got here.

While pursuing my college degree in Graphic Design, I was active in musical theater. By the time I was married a few years, I’d worked my way up to associate art director with a suburban Washington, DC advertising agency, and then to lead designer with the publications/presentations department of a large computer corporation. This was my day job back then, while my side gig was singing backup and lead vocals in a local rock band.

Then I had my first set of twins in Dec of 1994.

I was very happy to continue my career and contribute to our family income while working from my home office on a freelance basis during the years my husband and I raised our first, then second, and then third set of twins between 1995 and 2013. In 2009 I wrote and published: TWINS x3, a book in which I shared the roller coaster life I was leading as the mom of three sets of twins. Shortly after the book was released, I began a mommy blog (the blog you’re reading now) to support parents of multiples based on my own experiences and to help promote my book. Although I had never lost my love for singing, music and performing, the time was simply never right to get back into it because I was so busy with my work and children. I was beginning to accept that this part of me had ended.

In 2014, my right shoulder was severely injured which resulted in two separate surgeries and long courses of physical and massage therapies. Because my healing process was long and difficult, but ultimately successful, I was very grateful and desired to “pay it forward”. With my husband’s support, I went back to school at night while continuing to work part-time during the day and caring for my family. In August of 2016 I completed my courses, sat for the state health department board exam, and became a Licensed Clinical Massage Therapist. I then began working with the physical therapy department of a Primary Care Physicians office.


In the summer of 2017, with my youngest set of twins now approaching the age of 10, it struck me that perhaps, just maybe, I could investigate options for singing professionally part-time again. My desire to live this part of me just couldn’t be held in any longer. The kids were all growing up, and maybe it wasn’t too late to start again. At a local studio, I recorded some cover demo songs in order to market myself, designed and created a music website, posted on social media, and received overwhelmingly positive feedback. After an incredible turn of events, I found myself singing backup vocals with a long-time professional singer on a New York City stage in October 2017. In 2018 I planned, promoted and produced a July performance in my hometown of Jacksonville where the NYC singer and I performed together. Meanwhile, I wrote song lyrics and began working and recording with a local composer/arranger. In November of 2018, we independently produced and released my first album of original songs, and today this music can be found on most music streaming sites. The album’s title song is called “You Always Were” which is a song I wrote about how music has always been a part of me, and how happy I am that it’s back in my life. I continue to work part-time as a clinical massage therapist.

I’ve been asked over the years if I would write another book. Instead, I recently decided to update my book TWINS x3 so I could fill in my readers on what has happened these last 10 years with myself, my husband and our six amazing children. The 10-year-Anniverary, 2019 Edition of TWINS x3 is out now!

The above article was submitted to Women’s Health Magazine on 1/30/19 for story contributions to “Women in the U.S.: What triggered your career change(s)?”

As a Mom of Twins, Are You Feeling Personally Fulfilled?

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If you ask any mom today, especially a mom of twins or more, if she is feeling personally fulfilled with her daily life, she may say “absolutely”! Another may answer that she is not. Ask another mom this question the morning following a sleepless night up with sick kids, and she may tell you … to bite her.

When my first set of twins were six months old, my husband Bruce and I moved away from Northern Virginia just outside of Washington DC, where we had lived and built our careers for nine years. We relocated, for reasons that included getting out of the crazy traffic of the Capital Beltway, as well as the desire to be closer to both of our families, and found ourselves in Gainesville, Florida. This particular city became our new home because Bruce received the best employment offer from a growing architectural firm there out of the several companies where he’d sent resumes in the various areas we’d considered relocating to.

Though we were now closer to our families, we were not, however, in the same towns. In fact, we were still two hours by car from my parents, and ten hours from Bruce’s family.

When the boxes were unpacked and we were finally settled into our two bedroom apartment, a particular realization of loneliness, isolation and culture shock descended upon me. My former life as a wife and professional no longer existed, and not only did we leave our home, city, jobs, activities, the band I performed in, our friends and everything else familiar to us for the previous nine years, but I was now a full-time mother of two babies, and  …. well, that now summed up my life.

Keeping constantly connected to friends in on a daily basis in 1995 wasn’t as easy as it is today. Back then, the internet was just developing, and Mark Zuckerberg was only 11 years old. I kept in touch with my long-distance friends and family by phone, and was grateful when Bruce came home from work in the evenings.

I loved my baby girls very much, and they kept me very busy. Between feedings I took them up to our apartment pool to swim, and for stroller walks around our complex, to the grocery store, the mall, and to a nearby park where a beautiful lake was surrounded by a paved strolling/jogging path. I still, however, felt separated and detached. Although I loved my life as a mom, especially after wanting to become a mom for so long, I missed my job, my music … my old life. I missed enjoying my lunch hour with coworkers and friends, being challenged by projects at work, band rehearsals and gigs, and needless to say, sleeping uninterrupted each night (but that’s another topic)!

I took the advice of friends who were also moms and decided to contact the local twins club there in Gainesville so I could connect with other moms of twins. I also joined the Parents of Preschoolers group at our new church. Interacting with other women who were experiencing similar circumstances, or who were just wanting to form friendships, was the key for me to no longer feel alone and isolated.

One area was still lacking for me, however. By the time my girls were about 18 months old and no longer breastfeeding, I contacted the creative department head who had been my boss in the corporation I worked for up in DC. We had discussed my freelancing for her before we had moved away, and I was now ready to work again. Granted, it would only be very part-time because my hands were very full with my toddlers, but I was ready to work, if only on a very part-time basis.

Once I began to propose layouts and designs again, and receive rewarding feedback, I felt my self-confidence sky rocket. I had regained my ability to contribute my skills, talents and experience back into the career that I loved and had worked hard to build. I was an exhausted, fulfilled, busy but very happy mom. Singing with my favorite CDs while working in our home office helped to satisfy that need in me as well. The paycheck that arrived every two weeks only added to the benefits of self esteem and growing self-worth. I was, of course, needed by my husband and my children, but knowing I was also needed in a professional capacity was enormously rewarding and fulfilling.

 

My advice to mom of twins who desire personal fulfillment:

1) Realize that now as a mom, your life has now forever changed … but it can be better and more fulfilling than you ever imagined!

2) Count your blessings each day (your beautiful, healthy children, your supportive husband, the baby weight slowly coming off) because “a thankful heart is a happy heart” (yeah, I got that from a Veggie Tales song!)

3) Become involved in activities, organizations, clubs, church, and any other enjoyable activity where friendly human interaction is central to your involvement.

5) Take good care of yourself … don’t neglect your own needs such as exercise, wellness check-ups, quiet alone time, and regular salon/spa visits.

4) Hire a babysitter on a regular basis so you and your husband can go out and place “being parents” on temporary hold, and feel like “a couple” for a few hours.

5) Re-connect with your former career and passion or find a new one! My best advice is to find a way to work from home so that placing your children in day care or preschool too early isn’t an added expense for you, or time away from your children. (REMEMBER: they grow up SOOOOO fast!)

And so to this day, two more sets of twins later, I’ve continued to enjoy my fulfilling life as a mom of now six children in addition to being now a medical massage therapist working with a physical therapy team. I also relaunched a very fulfilling music career. I had been a vocalist in an alternative rock band in the Washington, DC area, quitting only when I was completely sick with early pregnancy nausea with my first set of twins. And NOW I’M BACK doing what I ABSOLUTELY LOVE now that my youngest set of twins are now TEN! My life is busy, productive, and I’m so thankful and happy. I’m also very proud to be  a strong role model for my children, especially my three daughters.

If you’re like me, being able to stay involved with enjoyable activities, being available and flexible to plan my days around my children’s busy schedules, AND still being able to maintain your professional skills and passions can prove to give you a very rewarding life!