Tag Archives: parenting twins

Do your kids behave better for others than they do with you?

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Children behaving badly

While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered.  “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”

I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
       

As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
       

Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
       

Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.

The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”

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Parenting over the years … how much has it changed?

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Parenting over the years … much has changed and much has remained the same.

Now that I’ve been a parent for 24 years, I believe that some aspects have remained constant while others have evolved over the years. My initial thought when reading the title of this article was that technology, and its subcategory social media, have caused the biggest changes for me. Where, as moms, we would call our own mothers or other close, trusted family members for advice concerning pregnancy, diaper rash, preschool, and preparing for prom, we commonly today jump on our social media sites and poll our “friends” for advice or to simply observe how other moms address these concerns. While this approach to support and information may be quick and convenient, the other side of the coin often reveals conflict, disagreement and judgment, leading us to regret putting our private lives out there for scrutiny. In addition to providing a source of information and support, social media has also become a spotlight for some of us as we raise our children year to year. If parenting isn’t stressful enough, we have put added pressure on ourselves to present our families as “perfect”. And should we put our challenges and shortcomings out for all to view, we are oftentimes asking for criticism and for advice that we may really not be asking for at all.


So how parenting has changed for me is with the ever moving progression of technology, and I believe that this applies to all generations prior to mine and to all those in the future. What has not changed, I firmly believe, is our deep, primal desire to protect, care for, nurture, support and unconditionally love our children as we prepare to send them off into this technologically ever-changing world.


The above article was submitted to FamilyMinded.com on 2/7/19 for story contributions of “Things that have changed in parenthood and parenting over the years”.

Are you just “Overly-Emotional” or is it Postpartum Depression?

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Everyone experiences a natural spectrum of emotions throughout life, it’s just human nature. However, when overwhelming life events directly impact the body’s normal state of well-being, we sometimes lose our abilities to cope as we think we should. Such circumstances may include a death in the family, a long-distance move, or a divorce. But few events directly impacts a woman’s physical, mental and emotional state of being as much as the birth of a child. The sudden changes in hormonal levels as the result of giving birth can result in a feeling of sadness or “baby blues”. When these feelings don’t lessen after a few weeks, or become worse, a woman may be suffering from postpartum depression.

National Vital Statistics report that approximately 10 to 15% of women suffer from postpartum mood disorders (PPMDs), including postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety/OCD and postpartum psychosis. Statistics report indicates that the total number of clinically recognized pregnancies is around 6.4 million. 15% of that would mean that each year approximately 950,000 women are suffering postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression can occur anytime between one to two days following delivery, up to and beyond a year.

From a personal perspective, I did not suffer from PPD following either of my first two pregnancies. But, I fell into a deep dark place two weeks following the births of my third set of twins. Knowing that this was not normal for me, and also knowing that I wasn’t able to “talk myself out of it”, I asked my OB/GYN for a consultation, and after talking for some time, she prescribed a medication for me that was safe to take while breastfeeding. After a couple of weeks, I began to feel better, more like myself again. It felt as though sunshine was finally breaking through dark heavy clouds that had been looming overhead, raining heavily down on me for weeks, totally exhausting me. I saw color again. Finally, I could pick up the babies without feeling as though they were a threat to me, no longer foreign little bodies posing as the sources of my confusion and grief. If you’ve ever experienced postpartum depression, you can understand what I mean. I could cope with the struggles, challenges and fatigue without crying all the time, and felt the deep, protective love for my babies that was supposed to fill my entire being instead of chronic sadness and fear. I wasn’t completely symptom-free for a few months, but I knew this wouldn’t last forever. I was blessed to have my husband’s understanding, patience and support during my darkest times … and I prayed … a LOT.

Many postpartum depression sufferers just want to know WHEN it will end. Blogger and former PPD sufferer Katherine Stone educates on all areas of postpartum depression on her site: Postpartum Progress. One of her articles lists the six factors that can affect how quickly a woman can recover from PPD. She lists:

1. How long did you suffer from PPD before you reached out for treatment? If you’ve not sought treatment or help for a substantial amount of time, you may be looking at a longer recovery time. Nipping a problem in the bud, as they say, before it grows out of control can be key in reducing the time it takes to come out of the PPD fog.

2. How severe is your illness?

3. How effective is the treatment you have been using?

4. How effective is the doctor or therapist you’re working with? If your symptoms are quite severe, it may take more time, treatment and therapy (and their effectiveness) before symptoms begin to subside.

5. What is your current life situation and how may it be affecting your recovery? It will be much harder to go through this condition without some support. If you’re a single parent, for instance, you’ll have a harder time than if you have the support of your husband or other close family member(s). Whether you are returning to work or are a stay-at-home mother will also play a huge factor in your recovery time.

6. What have you been doing to follow your treatment plan and take care of yourself? The more sleep and the better nutrition you receive, the better, as both allow the body to recuperate and better cope with difficulties and challenges.

There are several physical support groups available, as well as online support blogs to turn to for assurance and understanding. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. PPD is a very commonly occurring condition that is well-recognized and well-supported. Don’t suffer alone, and know that you will get through this … the sun WILL come out again.

Fulfilling your nutritional needs will also help balance your hormones and provide you with an overall feeling of wellness. Please remember to eat a balanced diet full of lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, fresh dairy and take a daily supplement to fill in any nutritional gaps that may exist.

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RESOURCES:

For more information, please visit Katherine Stone’s blog at: Postpartum Progress … together, stronger, where you will find a wealth of information and resources.

https://www.apa.org/pi/women/resources/reports/postpartum-depression.aspx

Also, please visit Mayo Clinic for medical information and treatment options for Postpartum Depression.

Blessings ~