While I opened my wallet to pay our babysitter Stephanie after my husband and I returned home from our date night, I asked her how everyone behaved. “Oh, they were great! They even helped me clean up their rooms and the play room before they went to bed,” she answered. “Oh, I’m so glad,” I responded, while in my head I asked, “who were these children she was referring to, and what has she done with mine?”
I remembered how stressed and short-tempered I’d been earlier that afternoon while trying to get everything in order with the kids, with their homework, while preparing dinner, and then trying to get myself ready to go out. I felt that my kids’ noise and energetic behavior was making matters worse. Maybe the problem was more me, than it was them.
As a mother of six over the years, I’ve definitely seen a correlation between my mood and my children’s. On the days after I’ve been up all night with a sick child, for instance, I’ll do my best to keep everything and everyone moving along smoothly, but will probably fall short somewhere along the way. While some children will try to help their tired mom, others might take advantage of a mom who’s obviously not at her best, and believe that they can get away with behavior that they might otherwise be corrected for.
Luckily, in my experience, I’ve been on my game more than I have not been. My children have been taught they must respect us as parents as well as each other, and to comply with our house rules. With that said, however, every child will have a less-than-perfect day here and there, and that’s to be expected and is understandable. Communication is key. It’s important to find out why the rebellious or disrespectful behavior is happening, and address it as soon as possible. If behavior is becoming increasingly worse, it’s never too early to ask their pediatrician for advice or for a referral to a therapist who can help to address a problem in its early stages.
Honestly, I don’t feel badly when my children behave well for others. When I’m told that my children have been well-behaved and used their manners while staying at friend’s home or with their grandparents, I’m very proud of them. I was raised by parents who always said that we should behave at another person’s home well enough to be invited back for another visit, and my husband and I have taught our children the same.
The above article was submitted to Romper on 3/13/19 for story contributions of “What can moms do to get better behavior out of their kids who behave better for others?”
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